


Messed-up, worn-out Fairy Tale

by Polarnacht



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dark, Angst, Boys In Love, Canon-Typical Violence, Explicit Language, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Parabatai Bond, Public Sex, Sibling Love, Siblings, The Circle (Shadowhunter Chronicles), The Clave (Shadowhunter Chronicles), True Love, is evil, is good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:47:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 35,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22185076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polarnacht/pseuds/Polarnacht
Summary: The Shadowhunters are ruled by the Clave and an ancient understanding what is right or wrong. Whenever a crime was committed and a Shadowhunter convicted, he had to fight for his live. But surviving the fight didn’t mean winning – you only stayed alive when the crowd wanted you to. Every Shadowhunter was allowed to vote – up or down – if there were more downs than ups, the perpetrator was killed.But this was not enough for the Clave. A few decades ago, they had passed a new law: Not the actual person who committed the crime was sentenced to fight for life or death – it had to be a child before its 18th birthday, a son, a daughter, a nephew, a niece – anybody related.Alec Lightwood had never thought of having to fight for his life in the pits of the Clave, his parents being dutiful members ever since he was born. But when the truth came to light and it revealed that his parents had joined the Circle when they were younger – briefly, but still – he suddenly had to reconsider everything he had ever known and he had to prepare for the hardest fight in his life: Surviving and entertaining. Everyone who knew Alec Lightwood knew that the first shouldn’t be so hard but the second….
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Isabelle Lightwood, Alec Lightwood/Jace Wayland, Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern | Sebastian Verlac & Jace Wayland
Comments: 59
Kudos: 71





	1. The sound of blood

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there,  
> this story is slightly influenced by the Hunger Games, but as it is just slightly I refrained from taging it. If you feel I should do so, please let me know. This story is set in a dark backround, so make sure to read the tags.
> 
> Enjoy :-)

Sed lex dura lex. The law is hard but it is the law.

The Shadowhunters are ruled by the Clave and an ancient understanding what is right or wrong. Whenever a crime was committed and a Shadowhunter convicted, he had to fight for his live. But surviving the fight didn’t mean winning – you only stayed alive when the crowd wanted you to. Every Shadowhunter was allowed to vote – up or down – if there were more downs than ups, the perpetrator was killed. The perfect democracy.  
But this was not enough for the Clave. A few decades ago, they had passed a new law: Not the actual person who committed the crime was sentenced to fight for life or death – it had to be a child before its 18th birthday, a son, a daughter, a nephew, a niece – anybody related. This would keep the adults in check better than everything else would. The crime rate dropped, surely a good thing. The wealthy and powerful families used the law to their advantage – suddenly a long lost relative turned up to take the punishment, the long lost relatives always originating from a poor family. What coincidence.

But there was hope. A rogue Shadowhunter with great skills and charisma rebelled against the madness of an ancient law. He formed a resistance called The Circle. His name was Valentine Morgenstern and he had two sons, Jonathan Morgenstern and Jace Morgenstern. Despite the efforts of the Clave, Valentine was never caught – but his sons were. And of course they were punished according to the law.

Jace was 14 and Jonathan 15 when the Clave ambushed them. They were out on a mission to defy the Clave when suddenly they were surrounded by numerous Shadowhunters and despite their already exceptional skills, they were overpowered and brought to the High Inquisitor of the Clave for justice, a man called Victor Aldertree. Normally, perpetrators were sentenced to a certain amount of fights, 1 for minor things, up to 6 for the more severe. But there were exceptions for real heavy crimes. These children, called the gladiators, had to stay and fight till they turned 18, no matter how many fights they had in their time till then. During their fights they were not allowed to kill their opponents, they had to disarm them and overpower them, while their counterparts tried to kill them – killing the gladiator always pleased the crowd and bettered the chance of survival. If the gladiator won the fight, both participants had to wait till the final vote was over. If the majority voted down, the gladiators had to kill their fighting partner right on stage. When a gladiator turned 18, which was rarely the case as most died before in the pits, a final vote was due: Would the Shadowhunters forgive them for their crime and let them live or will the community decide they had to die? The gladiators had to make sure to give a good show and win the hearts of the majority or they were doomed, no matter how many others they had killed to serve the law. 

Being the sons of the most dangerous traitor the Clave had ever seen surely qualified for the worst of crimes. Neither Jonathan nor Jace were surprised when their sentence was announced. A day later, two new gladiators joined the fighting pits. 

***

Alec Lightwood, as every other Shadowhunter grew up with the law, with the pits, with fights for life and death. Being underage he was not allowed to vote yet – children were only allowed to fight and die, but not to decide who deserved to live. Only adults were considered responsible enough to make such a decision. Sometimes he wandered how he would vote when it was his turn. His parents often voted against the perpetrators, saying you didn’t deserve to be a Shadowhunter if you didn’t follow the rules. Most of the time Alec avoided to think of the fights at all, avoiding the TV when the next fight was aired while everyone watched, mesmerized by the despair and bloodlust of the participants. He felt it was wrong, but what could he do? He was only a child, after all. Sed lex dura lex. The law is hard, but it is the law.

When Alec turned 17, his world was unhinged and turned upside down. A circle member, Hodge Starkweather, was caught by the Clave and to lower the sentence of his child he gave a lot of inside information to Victor Aldertree, information of former Circle members included. The Lightwoods panicked when they found out but it was too late. A portal appeared and a Clave representative together with four guards stepped through. There was only one choice left for the Lightwoods to make: Izzy or Alec. Being a traitor didn’t allow you to trade for a minor relative, a direct offspring had to be sacrificed. The Lightwoods chose Alec, to his great relieve and despair. He really didn’t want to do this but better him than Izzy. Without giving him the possibility to say a proper goodbye he was dragged through the portal by the guards. His new life had begun. He had to stay alive for 6 fights before he could return home. He had to convince the blood thirsty crowd six times that he was worth voting for him. He was terrified.

As much as Alec had avoided to watch the fights, he sure had seen some. He knew the names of the biggest fighters, the gladiators which were alive for a long time. The two most feared were Jace and Jonathan Morgenstern, the two evil brothers as the Clave promoted them. They seemed to enjoy the fights, always cheering on the crowd, always rallying them and trying to give the people what they wanted: a good show with blood, always so much blood. Alec would never forget the one fight were Jonathan ripped out his opponent’s artery with his bare teeth after the wrongdoer had been down-voted. The viewers had gone crazy – with disgust and secret joy. The more blood the better. 

There was always a life audience and the spectators before the screens, each vote counted the same. But the more ecstatic the life viewers were the better chance for the fighters, the good atmosphere transferring to the Shadowhunters at home.

Alec didn’t know what to feel when he was thrown into his cell, his home for the next weeks? Months? You could never tell how soon or how often the Clave scheduled your fights, it just had to be done before his 18th birthday. He tried to wrap his head around the fact that his parents, his strict, law-obeying parents were traitors, or at least had been traitors for a short while. 

When he was given the announcement for his first fight, he knew he had more important things to focus on. His first fight was the day after tomorrow – too soon and not soon enough. He had to fight against Jace Morgenstern, of all people. It was a one-on-one fight with a dagger. Simple and easy. It would last till Jace was dead – killed by him! – or till Jace had him immobilized. Both times his life dependent on the votes, but he knew that killing Jace would certainly give him enough up-votes to survive. There were different type of fights, the one-on-ones, with or without weapons, fights with various gladiators and fighters or even one gladiator against several other kids. Also the pits varied. Sometimes warlocks created huge arenas, sometime it was just a boxing ring. The variety pleased the crowd and prevented boredom. Alec was glad that this time it was only him and one other person he had to worry about. He was surprised how cold blooded he seemed to be. He didn’t want to die for a crime his parents had committed so long ago. He was prepared to fight – or so he thought. 

Part of the fun was that the fighters didn’t know much about the setting. Each of them would step through a portal and as soon as a gong appeared, the game was on. Sometimes they had the weapons already, sometimes they had to find them. This time, Alec had been given black fighting gear but no dagger. He heard the faint cheering in the distance through the already open portal, which could only mean one thing. Jace had entered the stage and was doing his usual show. 

Jace had survived the hell of the fighting pits for two years now. He knew what the crowd wanted and he knew how to give it to them. An interesting fight, injuries, blood. No quick wins, that entertained nobody. It hat do be tense, a close call. He had to last for two more years and he was prepared to make it. He would do anything to stay in the favor of the people, he wanted to make sure that when he turned 18 the crowd would vote for him, not against him. So he entertained, which was not always easy. Staying alive had been hard as well, especially at the beginning, him being only fourteen. Most perpetrators were older, but thanks to the hard training of his father he was prepared and better than many. The full angel blood, which ran through his vanes, gave him an extra advantage. It was hard to win a fight in which the others were allowed to kill you but you weren’t. But it was crucial to stick to this rule. Jace had seen one gladiator accidently killing his opponent – the execution of the gladiator had not been a pretty thing to watch, it had been painful – and long. 

At the beginning the Clave had kept the two brothers together, letting them fight in the same fights, but soon they discovered that they gave each other too much comfort. And this was punishment, not kindergarten. So the brothers were separated, the cells they stayed in as far away as possible from each other. The only time they saw the other was now on the screens when a fight was on. Jonathan had also survived so far, but sometimes Jace wandered at what cost. He barely recognized his big brother when he saw him on screen, his eyes either hollow or filled with a maniac glow, which sent shivers down Jace’s spine. But the crowd loved him. The fight were he had ripped the other Shadwohunter apart with his teeth was still in everybody’s mouth – and Jace was sure Jonathan could still taste the blood. There had been so much blood.

Jace shook his head, trying to defy the distracting thoughts. He had to focus. Today he had just one fight, a dagger fight against a newbie. He hoped the boy or girl was up for a good fight. Some were too afraid to do anything, which was always a sure death sentence. Cowards or too tender people never got enough up-votes to survive and they didn’t do anything for Jace either. Killing a coward brought him no extra points with the crowd. 

As soon as he stepped through the portal his whole demeanor changed. He stood straighter, his chin in the air, a cocky grin on his face. He spread his arms wide, turning around to look at the audience, and he was greeted with cheers. He displayed his muscles and played with the dagger he had already been given. He fidgeted it in his hands, he knew the people liked weapon display. He waved his arms up and down and the viewers followed him, the cheering got louder. They were in a good mood, Jace had the feeling it would be a good day. 

The arena was held simple, dusty ground, a few rocks, nothing fancy. He spotted another dagger on the ground, which could only mean that his opponent had not received a weapon yet. Jace just hoped for an older Shadowhunter, he disliked fighting young ones. He was not being disappointed, the raven haired boy who stepped through the portal seemed at least a year older, he was tall and lean, but yet muscular. Jace could tell by the tense stand and the questioning look that the other boy was overwhelmed and intimidated by the cheering crowd, but when the boy turned to him he saw the determination in his eyes. Good. Jace could work with that. 

When the gong rang, both boys leaped into action without further ado. Alec had spotted the dagger and had also seen that Jace had already his. Thankfully the dagger was closer to him and he managed to grab it before Jace’s body slammed into him. The force of the impact pulled him to the ground and before he could come to his senses again, a fist was slammed right into his face, he felt his nose breaking and blood running over his mouth down his chin. The crowd roared, a beginning much to everyone’s liking. Before Alec could even think that he was screwed, he felt the grip on his body slightly softening and his eyes met Jace’s for the first time. He sucked in a breath, he had never seen a more intense stare, like the blond’s eyes were a passage to another dimension. But Alec was a well-trained Shadowhunter and every survival instinct kicked in. He took full advantage of the loosening grip and gave the smaller boy a full head-butt, which sent the other falling to the ground. Both boys sprang to their feet, trying to get rid of the dizziness. Jace gave Alec a small approving nod that only he could see and which left Alec confused. Why was the other boy encouraging him? They circled each other for a short while before Jace started his next attack, but instead of going for a full body attack, he tried to kick away Alec’s dagger. With a small twist the older boy was able to avoid it and lunged forward himself. His dagger scratched Jace’s side, not enough to cause a severe wound but enough to soak the blond’s gladiator gear in blood. In the faint distance Alec registered that the spectators cheered him on. Jace attacked him again, this time a move to crash him to the ground. Briefly he felt the gladiators lips pressed against his ear. “Well done, let’s make sure to give them a good show.” And Alec suddenly understood. Jace really tried to help him. He tried to gain him votes for later. He gave a short nod back and punched the blond with his free hand in the face. A smirk occurred on the younger boy’s face; Alec had been right. The two Shadowhunters gave the people what they asked for. A good fight with blood and tension, neither of them dominating the other but balancing the fight out so that no one got bored. 

It was surprisingly easy to fight against each other, they just clicked. As if one knew what the other wanted to do, they were able to deliver a spectacle. Finally Jace’s higher experience showed and he disarmed Alec for good, discolating his shoulder joint in the process. Alec screamed in pain before he got pinned down, face first in the dust. He couldn’t move. He had lost. He heard the final gong and the voice of the show master announcing his defeat and asking the Shadow World for their final votes, before he felt his head yanked back of the ground. Jace held him in a firm grip, one hand tangled in his hair, the other held the dagger which circled his throat nearly tenderly. Again he felt Jace’s lips against his ear. “Lean back. I’ve got you. Don’t worry, I’m sure you have enough up-votes. If not, I’ll make it quick.” Alec had always wondered what Jace said to his disarmed opponents whenever he had watched one of his fights, he had always imagined something cruel, not something as caring as this. Part of him knew that he shouldn’t be comforted by the promise of being killed quickly, but he was. Better that than to have your throat ripped away. He leaned indeed back, his upper body rested now against Jace’s, who had let go of his hair but had placed it on his forehead, the rough hand of the younger boy a strange comfort on Alec’s sweaty skin. Alec’s throat was bared, one cut with Jace’s dagger and he would be dead. Both boys watched the display of the votes, so far up-votes and down-votes balanced each other out, more or less. Alec felt Jace tense behind him and suddenly his face was turned. Before Alec could think anything, Jace cupped his chin to turn him fully – and Jace licked his face, licked through the mix of crusted and fresh blood and dirt which was on his cheeks. The crowd roared in excitement. Alec was disgusted but too baffled to respond. When the gong sounded again, announcing that the vote was over he turned his head – and was astonished to see that his up-votes had increased tremendously since Jace had started his power play. Before Jace sprang up to celebrate his victory he gave Alec a grin and one hand caressed nearly gently his bloody cheek, before Jace painted his face with Alec’s blood. The audience went berserk. Disgusting, Alec thought, but the blond surly knew how to win over a crowd. 

Alec was thrown back into his cell, he still had to come to terms with the fact that he had survived. They had given him an Iratze which helped against the worst pain, but it was nowhere enough for all bruises and cuts he had gotten. He was also not so sure what really had happened in the arena. Jace had really tried to help him, hadn’t he. But why? Alec was a bit lost here. 

He was surprised when his cell door opened again and a now familiar blond stepped through the door. The door was closed again and the guard strode away. The two boys just looked at each other, Alec sitting with his back against the cell wall and Jace standing a bit awkwardly close to the door. Alec broke the silence. “Thanks, I guess, for everything and, uh, the licking.” The ice was broken, Jace laughed and settled down in front of Alec. “I bet this counts to the things you thought you would never say in your life” Jace snorted. Alec could only laugh helplessly. It was so true and the whole situation so absurd. Jace joined in and they giggled for a while like they were regular teenagers and not prisoners without basic human rights. It felt good. “So, why did you do it?” Alec questioned when he was able to catch his breath again.  
“The licking or the general thing?” Jace replied, trying to suppress another giggle.  
“Both I guess.”  
“Well, despite what you probably think, I don’t enjoy killing other kids. I have to do it, otherwise they would kill me. But I don’t gain anything if my opponent is down-voted. I lose then, too. I hate to be forced to kill all the kids. So I try to give the people a good show. For me and for the others. But not everybody gets it. You have to deliver if you want to live. Thankfully you’re smart. And you’re skilled. The licking… well. Your votes were too close for my liking. I really didn’t want to kill you so I just thought of something which would entertain. And it worked, didn’t it.”  
“It did. And it was gross.”  
Jace just laughed. “Just imagine how gross it tasted, the old blood and the dirt. But better that than… “His mismatched eyes locked with Alec’s hazel brown. Jace’s voice was suddenly soft. “I really don’t want to kill you. Not today or ever.” 

Alec’s heart skip a beat and he had to look down, feeling a slight blush on his cheeks. He shifted a bit in his position but winced, the shoulder discolation still hurt like hell. He felt Jace draw closer. “They haven’t healed you properly. Assholes” he muttered before he took Alec’s face in his two hands and pressed their foreheads together. “Relax” he whispered before he closed his eyes. It was the most intimate thing Alec had ever experienced. He gasped in surprise when he saw Jace whole body lit up with golden runes and he felt the same energy radiating through his own body, the energy spilling from Jace’s hands and forehead. He tried to relax to the healing energy and he felt his own runes activating, the small sting of Iratzes the most welcomed pain in his life. After a while he felt Jace’s body go limp and he caught him against his chest, the healing effort had seemingly drained the rest of energy Jace had had left after the intense fight. “Thank you” Alec muttered. “You ok? How did you do that?”  
Jace didn’t open his eyes, just nodded. “Just tired now. I have more angel blood than the average Shadowhunter and can activate my own runes without Stele or transfer it to someone. So far I only did it with my brother, but apparently it works with you, too. Would you do me a favor, too? Will you sleep with me?” Jace felt Alec tense. “Not like this you perv. Just actual sleeping.” A small smile appeared on Jace’s tired face – and Alec couldn’t help but notice that this time it was Jace who blushed. “Sure. Are you allowed to stay here for the night?” Alec asked curiously, he had not been allowed out of his cell once since he got here, except for the fight. If he was honest, he surprised himself with his easy agreement to the younger boy’s request.  
“It has its perks to be here for already two years. I called in a favor.” Jace replied sleepily. Alec refrained from asking how the blond had earned a favor, but he could guess. Nothing pleasant, anyway.

“You’re the big spoon,” Jace ordered, before he lay down on the mattress in the corner of the cell and lifted the thin blanket for Alec to slip under with him. Alec smiled. “And here I thought we would fight who would spoon who” he said with a smirk, before he wrapped his arms around the blond, pulling him closer. It felt good, and in no way awkward, which was a surprise. It felt familiar. It felt like home. Jace just huffed.  
“Everyone knows that the big spoon is eaten first by the monsters who lurk in the dark. So shut up and sleep now. I’m the little spoon.” Alec smiled and did as he was told. He closed his eyes and he felt the blond relax against his body. He inhaled deeply and felt that he liked the scent of the other boy. Sweet and musky and a bit metallic at the same time. Jace sighed happily before he drifted off to sleep, Alec following him soon after. 

They woke from the banging on the cell door. “Wake up lover boys, your time is up.” Jace rubbed sleepily at his eyes. He groaned. “I’ve got two fights today, do you already know when you have to fight again?”  
Alec shook his head.  
“Make sure to train properly, Alec. And eat. It doesn’t matter how disgusting it tastes, you have to keep nourished. You have to keep your strength. Understood?”  
“Aye sir.”  
“You can mock me as much as you like, but you will do what I say.” Jace looked at him sternly. “I survived here for two years, you have barely survived one day. So shut up and do as I say. How much matches do you have to win?”  
“Five more. And sorry, I didn’t mean to…”  
“It’s ok. I just really don’t want to see you die.” Jace looked at him with the same intense stare as in the arena.  
“Why?” Alec managed to ask.  
“I don’t know, actually. I just know I can’t.” Jace shrugged but continued to stare at Alec. It was strange but it made sense to Alec. He felt like he couldn’t stand the thought of watching Jace die either.  
“Be careful” he whispered to Jace, brushing his thumb shortly and gently against the blond’s lips, a gesture so soft and quick Jace thought for a moment he had imagined it. “I will. Don’t worry. Two years, remember.”  
And with that Jace was gone, leaving the cell behind the guard. 


	2. The taste of killing

It was a couple of days later when Alec saw Jace again. He appeared unannounced at his cell like the last time, just after “dinner” or whatever the excuse of a meal was being called. Jace had a few bruises on his face, but otherwise he looked unharmed. Being able to activate your own runes did have its advantages, Alec mused. “Have fun, lover boys” the guard said before closing the door.

This time Jace wasted no time but sat down next to Alec. “Why does he call us like that?” Alec asked. Jace rolled his eyes “Well, I called in a favor – again – and want to spend the night with you. What do you think they think we are doing? Besides, I licked your face in front of every one.”   
“So face licking counts as foreplay nowadays? I think I missed out a bit on the dating guidelines” Alec retorted, which made Jace laugh. “You’re impossible” he said fondly, but then his face got earnest.   
“You’re next fight will be against me. One-on-one, like the last time.”  
“How do you know? I haven’t got the announcement yet. Wait, don’t say it. I know. Two years.”  
Jace smiled again, just nodding. “I have to know one thing, Alec. Will you fight to kill me or not?”  
Alec looked at him baffled, a hurt expression quickly washing over his face. “How can you even say that? After…” he gestured between the two of them.  
Jace looked a bit ashamed, but made his point. “I wouldn’t blame you. You want to survive, as do I. Killing me would get your votes up, I’m sure of it. But I think we can get enough votes without it, too. We just have to give them what they want. And it can never look like a staged fight.” Alec sighed in frustration. “Sounds like a piece of cake.” 

The next hours they talked about strategy. If Jace’s source were right, there would be no weapons involved this time, which was good as the danger for Alec to accidently kill Jace tended towards zero, which was bad because fistfights were generally not as much liked as others. Too little blood, not interesting enough.

“Have you done this before? Helping anyone like me, I mean?” Alec asked while they settled down for sleeping, having discussed everything there is concerning staging a fight in the right way. Jace just shook his head. ”Why me?” “I don’t know. You’re special.” Jace looked at Alec, his intense gaze causing the raven boy to blush. “It’s like we belong to each other. Like you have a piece of my soul.” Jace’s cheeks reddened now as well. He turned away, wrapping himself in Alec’s arms. “Usually I’m not so sappy, I don’t know, you just make me...” “cheesy” Alec laughed. “I don’t mind, not at all. Do you think we have a chance?” his voice suddenly earnest, fear shining through brave tone. Jace sighed. “Yes. I mean, look at us, we are both striking. Of course they’ll love us. But nevertheless, it will be a close call.”

This time, it took the boys a lot longer to fall asleep, even if they both found the presence of the other soothing and Alec wrapped his arms as protectively around Jace as possible. 

***

As always, the gladiator entered the stage first. Alec heard the roaring and cheering through the already opened portal. He felt calm and focused. He was not going to die, not today. He was not going to make Jace kill him. He wouldn’t do this to him. He would intrigue the crowd. He wished he were more like Jace or his sister Izzy, who had way more skills in this specific area. Alec liked to keep in the shadows, going unnoticed until he struck, but this was not going to help now. He needed to shine, to make the people like him enough to vote for him, not against him. He nodded to himself, you’ve got this Lightwood, you’ve got this.

He stepped through the portal, cheers greeting him. He saw Jace jogging on the spot, punching the air like a boxer. Jace was a natural. Alec tried to mimic him, but he felt he was failing, the audience didn’t respond to him as much as he needed them to. But then he remembered Jace’s words from the night they spent together. And suddenly he knew what to do. He pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it away in a slow motion, presenting the crowd his bare chest and impressive six pack. He heard whistles and more cheering. Here we go, he thought.

The gong sounded and they boys lunged at each other. “Good thinking” Jace hissed in Alec’s ear, before he punched him profoundly. The fight went smoothly, one time Alec had the upper hand, one time Jace. They just clicked, even better than in their first fight. But both felt it was not enough. The crowd was not engaged enough, not invested enough. So instead of punching Jace again, Alec ripped the blond’s gladiator uniform away so that they were both half naked. Jace’s upper body was covered in runes and old scars from fights. Apart from the scars his skin was smooth and soft. As Alec he had defined abs, but in general a few more pounds would look good at him, his rips standing out a bit too much. Still, Alec had to use all his will power not stare but to focus on the fight. 

The Clave seemed to take pity in the boys and threw a blade into the arena, to spice things up a little. Alec was closer and he leaped for the seraph blade, which lit up in his grip instantly like Jace was the demon the Clave wanted him to be. It was purely instinct which led Alec to make his next move. He jumped and his legs entangled Jace’s waist and crashed the blond to the ground, all air pressed out of the younger boy’s lungs so that he was not able to move. In a second, Alec was on him, his blade pressed to Jace’s throat. One move and the blood would drown in his own blood. Fuck. 

Jace looked at him, his eyes wide with shock, betrayal and fear. Alec stared back, his eyes even wider, trying feverishly to communicate without words that this had not been his intention, that he had not done it on purpose. Either way, they were screwed. Alec felt Jace’s blood pulsing against the blade. He knew what the crowd expected him to do but he also knew what he never would do. But a refusal to kill equaled his death sentence, if he showed mercy now the viewers would not return the favor. These were the unspoken rules of the fighting pits. Only the people who didn’t deserve it survived this hell – the irony was not lost to Alec while he pressed his blade to Jace’s throat, thinking harder than ever for a way out.

Jace ‘s e next move took Alec by surprise. Jace moved his head up, pressing his throat against the sharp blade, trusting Alec to give way to him – if not, he would kill himself on the sharp edge. Jace felt the sting of skin being cut, but he moved still forward until his face was close to Alec’s. Alec’s hand shook, he had withdrawn the blade according to Jace’s movement, but it lay still in place at Jace’s neck. He was not sure what this was about but then he felt Jace’s hot lips against his. He gasped in surprise and the blade shattered to the ground, which gave Jace the possibility to enter his mouth with his tongue and deepen the kiss. Alec kissed back, feverishly, lost in the sensation of his first kiss, not only his first from a boy but from anyone. And then Jace bit down hard on his lower lip, so hard that Alec tasted blood, which surely was the intention. Jace pulled away, his face covered in Alec’s blood. Blood from Alec’s nose which Jace had broken earlier – again - was smirked over his cheeks and Jace’s lips shone blood-red from the biting. He looked dangerous and beautiful at the same time. The crowd loved it. 

They went on like this, mixing a harsh fight with bruising kisses. When Alec had Jace pinned down, the blond lying on his stomach, Alec took his chance to bite on his neck, till he himself tasted blood. The cheering was enthusiastic now. “Let’s end this” Alec whispered. Jace understood and flipped them around, holding Alec in a grip the raven-haired boy could not escape, even if he tried for real. The gong rang. It was over, either way. They both stood up to face the voting but then Alec felt a soft pressure on his shoulders. “Kneel” Jace whispered. “It looks better”. And Alec kneeled, not feeling humiliated by the gesture. He felt Jace’s hand roaming over his body, gently and possessively. He felt comforted by it, even though Alec suspected Jace did it mostly for the show. Anyway, it helped. His up-votes were clearly higher than the opposite ones and when the final gong sounded, Jace yanked his head back and kissed him again, for the crowd but also for themselves. 

This time Alec was not surprised when Jace entered his cell. Without much words they went straight to their sleeping arrangement – Alec cuddling Jace – both tired to the bones from the fight. “Good thinking out there, Alec” Jace praised him.   
“Well, you too.” Alec answered before he gripped Jace’s chin gently and turned the blond’s face. “But you shouldn’t use your teeth so much when kissing.” “Says the boy whose biting mark I will have now forever on my shoulder.”   
“Touché” Alec laughed before he leaned down fully to catch Jace’s lips in a kiss, a passionate but loving kiss. No teeth involved this time.

***

Alec learned soon that the other kids didn’t really like him. Being from an old and despite their crime still powerful family, came with advantages the other kids hadn’t. His food was not better, but more – and he made sure to eat it, even if in his former live he would have never touched it. Even Izzy’s cooking tasted superior to what the Clave gave the kids. None of the guards dared to touch him. Sometimes while watching the games he heard whispers of who was forced to give favors to guards or Clave officials, but he never heard what it really meant. And he was glad and thankful for that, so he didn’t take the dislike the other kids showed personal and kept his space to the others. Except Jace, of course. 

The days between fights were dull, Alec was forced to stay in his cell for most of the time. He was allowed to train twice a day, but besides that he was stuck in his cell without anything to distract him. He followed Jace’s advice and tried everything to keep in shape. In his cell he did sit ups, burpees, anything which would train his muscles, tire his body and ease his mind. He had never believed how dangerous boredom could be. You really had to focus on something otherwise despair and loneliness would overpower you. He recited every poem he had ever read in his head, talked to himself in obscure demon languages just to prevent him going nuds. On special occasions he was allowed – or forced – to watch fights of the others. Unlike before he watched really closely to learn which actions pleased the people, witch fighting methods the other gladiators favored - he inhaled every possible hint which could help keeping him alive. 

Nevertheless, Alec’s third fight caught him a bit by surprise. Somehow he had thought that he would fight against Jace again. This time, however, he had to fight against another gladiator, someone he had never heard of. He should have watched more TV, Alec thought. Jace was not pleased with the pairing either. “All his opponents have been killed so far. Actually I’m astonished that no one killed him yet, he is neither strong nor smart. The others have been rather young kids, probably that’s why. But there is no way he will make it till he is 18. This will be a close call, Alec. The audience doesn’t like fights with him. You have to try to make it interesting. And no kissing this time.” He looked pointedly at Alec. “I think you should kill him. It will improve your chances a lot.”

Alec went silent. The neutral matter-of-fact way Jace said this gave him the chills. All he wanted to see in Jace was the caring boy who fought for their lives, but this time he couldn’t close his eyes. Jace was a survivor. In two years he had fought and killed a lot of others.   
“I don’t know if I can do this Jace.” Alec responded quietly.  
“You were prepared to kill me in your first fight, Alec. What changed?” Jace looked at him sternly, crossing his arms over his chest.   
You, Alec wanted to say. You changed me. Instead, Alec said: “In my first fight I didn’t consider the fact that the other is a kid too, a kid who wants to live. Who did nothing wrong except being related to a wrong-doer. Or being from a poor family.” The fact that normally only poor kids ended up in the fighting pits was a not well-hidden secret. That a boy like Alec, who had the right family name and enough money to pay for a substitute, was forced to fight was rare.   
Jace eyes closed off, a hooded look replacing the open one from before. “I don’t care if you think that I am a monster. I need you to live, Alec. And this gladiator will not survive much longer. He is too weak and not entertaining enough. He just turned 17. There is no way in this Clave-created hell he will live to his 18th birthday. Believe me, I’ve seen enough.”  
“But he is just a kid.” Alec nearly yelled now, but he needed Jace to understand.   
“So are we Alec, so are we. But no one cares. Have you cared about this before you ended up here? I bet not. I bet you thought you were save in your fancy little Institute. So spare me with your superior morality. You are not better than me.” Jace body was shaking with barely hidden anger now. They glared at each other, no one giving in. Then Alec’s eyes soften a bit before he nodded slightly.   
“You are right, I never thought of having to do this. The arenas always seemed so far away, I tried to think about them as little as possible. The law is hard and so on. I don’t think you are a monster, Jace. But this, this is just so wrong. How can they ask this of us and call it justice?”   
Jace relaxed a little. “Justice” Jace huffed. “They do it to entertain themselves and keep the Shadowhunters in check. And everybody is so blind to just follow through.” The loathing was clearly audible in his voice, a clear contrast to the next words, which were barely loud enough to hear. “And I’m just like them. I just keep killing and fighting just as they ask me to. But I will do anything to survive and get out of here. And so will you. You are a survivor, just like me.” Jace reached out to touch Alec. He was glad when the older kid leaned into the touch. For a long moment they stood like that before Alec nodded. 

A loud bang on the door interrupted them. “Your time is up.” “I’ve been barely here” Jace yelled back in reply. “Well then maybe, my little gladiator, next time you have to suck better or spread your legs wider. I’m ordered to collect you.”

Jace didn’t look at Alec when he was dragged out of the cell, his cheeks burning hot in embarrassment. It was not that Alec had not guessed what Jace was doing to get the time with him, but actually knowing it made it worse. At least for Jace, he seemed totally uncomfortable with the whole situation. As if Alec would judge. “Jace” Alec called out. “It’s ok. I’ll come back to you.” Jace looked at him, face flushed but a bit reassured. “You better do, Alec Lightwood, you better do.”

***

When Alec stepped through the portal for the third time, he realized that Jace was right. The boy across him was frightened and let it show. He would not make it. But yet – could he kill him? He thought of the promise he had given Jace and he didn’t knew if he was able to live up to it. He didn’t know if he was ready to lose himself in order to survive. Not even with the prospect of Jace waiting for him.

The gong sounded and the fight started, both opponents had been given short swords. The other was fairly skilled, but no match to Alec’s abilities. The raven-haired boy tried to hold back as good as he could without making it too boring. He feared he failed at it, the audience seemed not pleased. He showed them everything he got, nice sword combinations after nice combination, but the gladiator couldn’t keep up. Yet, Alec was still not ready to kill him, and he was not sure if he had ever reached that state if he had not heard the small whisper coming from the mouth of the redhead gladiator in front of him. “Please, kill me. Please. I cannot do this any longer.” Alec saw the tears in the eyes of the boy and he understood, embracing himself for what it meant for him. Having to kill the younger kids in the fights before had broken the boy. Jace was right, if Alec would not kill him today he would be dead tomorrow by the hands of another. So Alec closed his eyes and prepared himself for the final blow. He tried to make a show out of it and killing the other as quick and painless as possible at the same time. He was beyond relieved when the gong sounded over the arena and he could throw his blood-tainted sword away. He feared that the blood on his hands was not so easy to get rid of. But first, he had to wait. Time had never ticked so slowly, seconds felt like minutes. He missed the soothing presence of Jace behind him. The reassurance that at least his death would be quick and painless and somehow honorable. He had no idea who would be carrying out his execution if the crowd decided he deserved to die. He looked at his votes, right now the down votes were slightly more. He closed his eyes, determined not to look again before the final gong rang. When it came he opened his eyes slowly and closed them again in relieve. He had survived another round. 

Alec was more than glad that Jace was already waiting for him in his cell, a worried look on his face. Before Alec could say anything, he felt his stomach revolt and he threw up everything he had eaten that day, till nothing was left to throw up. Tears were streaming down his face, he felt so dirty, so in the wrong. He had killed. Another kid. Jace kneeled beside him, holding him and making soft soothing sounds in the back of his throat, clearly at loss for words. When Alec looked up, he saw that Jace was crying too. And for a short moment he was wondering if Jace had ever cried on his own behalf, or only on his, Alec’s. 

Alec let himself relax against the strong hold Jace provided. He let the soothing touches and sounds calm him down. He even smiled a little when Jace whispered to him that today Alec could be the little spoon. He was glad that this time the blond was allowed to stay, not wanting to think of the horrible things Jace had had to do for this privilege. “You don’t have to….” His voice trailed away, not knowing how to finish the sentence. “Yes, I have to, Alec. Don’t worry, they can’t do anything to me that has not been done already. Don’t worry, Alec. I’m fine.” Alec wanted to shake his head, argue that no one could be “fine” if he was forced to whore himself out, but he was too tired and too shaken by his own guilt. After a while, he opened his eyes again. 

“I don’t know how you do it.” Alec stated.  
“Do what?”  
“All the killing. You must have killed a lot since you got there. And it doesn’t seem to bother you.”  
Jace voice sounded raw and strained. “This again? I thought we settled that we are both doing what we have to survive. You’re in here for what now? A couple of weeks? Don’t believe you know anything, Alec, just don’t. Does it look like they give me an option? If I would not kill them, another would. And then the other would kill me. But I will survive this, Alec, I will. And then I will find my father and together we will end this madness. I have seen what happened to a kid when a gladiator refused to kill her. It was not pretty, neither for the girl nor for the gladiator. They were tortured to death, both of them. I’m sorry if I prefer to spare the kids that and to spare me that. If this makes me a bad person in your eyes, so be it. And I never said that it didn’t bother me. But whining over it doesn’t make it better.” He had talked himself into a rage.   
The last words made Alec flinch away from Jace’s hold. “Oh I’m sorry I’m still human and that it matters that I have killed someone” Alec hissed. “When I witnessed your brother tear apart a boy with his teeth it pretty much looked like he was enjoying himself.”   
“Don’t you dare talk about my brother. You know nothing about my brother. And I’m not him.” Jace voice was low and dangerously quiet. The older boy sighed in frustration, the last thing he wanted was to fight with Jace, especially more or less the same fight they had had before.

“Then tell me about him.” Alec looked at him pleadingly. “I’m sorry Jace. I don’t want to fight with you.” Jace huffed but pulled Alec again in for a hug.   
“I’m sorry too Alec. You have every right to be upset about being forced to kill. Maybe it bothers me so much because you are partly right, I’m beyond that. I just want to survive. And my brother… “ his voice trailed away.   
“Jonathan and I were raised by our father alone, my mother died when she gave birth to me. He is nearly two years older. Our father… he is not a kind man, Alec, never was. He did his best to raise us, he fed us, he taught us, he trained us. And he loved us, in his own way. But we were always on the run. At the beginning the Circle was quite big, a lot Shadowhunters were fed up with the Calve and the old laws. But somehow the Clave infiltrated us and a lot of members got scared and pledged their loyalty to the Clave again – like your parents. These were hard times, we switched locations every week, constantly on the run. Jonathan was the only friend I ever had. He is, I don’t know how to say it, a bit twisted. He is not per se cruel, but he lacks the ability to feel empathy for others. It’s not that he has not tried, his brain just works differently. I always was the catalyzer and translated the world to him and him to the world. When we came here… at the beginning it was kind of alright. We were together. He followed my lead. It feels like I made him that way, Alec. I showed him what the crowd wanted. When we were separated he kind of lost it completely. Under these circumstances, some people bend, some brake and some just cease to exist. Jonathan just stopped being him. Whenever I see him on screen, I have no idea if something of Jonathan is left inside that thing, which wears the mask of my big brother. I just hope there is.” Jace rubbed angrily at his eyes, trying to wipe away the tears, which were falling down his cheeks against his will. Alec closed his hands over the blond’s, again wondering if Jace ever allowed himself to cry for his own good. “It’s alright to cry, Jace. It doesn’t make you weak, just human. And I think this is all we can hope for to stay and be in this hellhole. Don’t blame yourself for the state your brother is in. You didn’t do anything. They did. Blame the Clave.”   
“Then you have to stop blaming yourself for the gladiator. It’s the same. Not you killed him. They did.”

Alec nodded, but it was easier said than done. But he tried. Jace had stopped crying and Alec felt the tiredness again, all he wanted was to curl up into Jace and sleep. He understood now Jace’s sleeping preference. “About being the little spoon…” Jace smiled. “But only for today.” “Only today” Alec responded, smiling now himself. Alec fell asleep to the kisses Jace planted on his neck and face, feeling more secure than he ever thought possible in a prison cell. 

Both boys woke early, dawn had not settled in yet and they had still some time left before Jace had to face his own fate again: Three fights in one day, it would be a long one. Alec shifted and turned so that they lay face to face so that they could properly look at each other – and kiss. Which they did. They kissed like it was the only thing that mattered in the world, exploring the mouth of the other, nibbling lightly at each other’s lips, sucking small hickey´s in the neck of the other. Their hands explored each other’s bodies, Jace pushing Alec’s shirt up before kissing his way down. 

“You have to tell me about the Circle” Alec stuttered suddenly.  
Jace stopped kissing Alec, sliding up to face Alec again. “Now? You know it is rather discouraging when my attempts of seducing you are so rudely interrupted.” Alec blushed. “No, it’s just, I really want to know. And I’m kind of new to all this” he managed to say, his blush deepening. “It’s ok to be nervous when this is your first time. I can tell you what you want to know about the circle or I can tell you later and continue with that.” Jace sucked again at the sensitive flesh of Alec’s nape, leaving another mark. His hands trailed down and rubbed slightly at Alec’s crotch, realizing with a pleased smile that Alec was already rock hard. “Later sounds awesome” Alec breathed out, he was already wrecked. “Let me do the work” Jace murmured “and if I am moving too fast or you don’t like anything, you tell me. At once. Understood?” “Yes sir” Alec teased, the responds earning him a firm squeeze of his ass. Not that he was complaining, to the contrary. He let himself get lost in the sensation of Jace’s mouth and hands, which did things to him he never thought possible. When finally Jace swallowed his cock down and started to bob his head, his eyes rolled back into his head and he saw stars behind his eyelids. He wouldn’t last long. The realization that Jace stroked himself in the same rhythm than he sucked him off, was enough to put him over the edge and he came with a small cry down Jace’s throat. Two strokes later, Jace still had Alec’s cock in his mouth to pleasure him through his orgasm, Jace came as well. When they kissed afterwards, Alec could still taste himself on Jace’s lips, which probably should be gross but was nothing but hot. 

Too soon they had to split and Jace had to face reality again. Three fights, three possible ways to die. Before Jace was dragged away by the guard, Alec called out his name and Jace turned. “Jace. I love you.” Jace looked up, met Alec’s gaze and smirked. “I know”. And with that he was gone. The bastard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I have watched Star Wars recently and yes I had the urge to include the most epic line ever written in my fic - so I just borrowed it :-) And for those who have never watched Star Wars: Your're welcome ;-)


	3. the sense of pain

Jace survived his three fights, like he had the others. All three opponents survived, too, which clearly was a win. The blond was glad that he didn’t have to do the Clave’s bidding again. He just wished to never see any of the kids again, hoping that it had been their last fight.

Jace and Alec had not much time left before their next fight. Jace had tried to make sure that they would fight each other again and he succeeded. The crowd loved them by now, the star-crossed lovers who had to fight each other in the battle arenas resounded throughout the whole Shadow World. 

This time however, they ran out of luck. They were assigned to a match with several players and a huge arena. Such fights could last long and were unpredictable. Jace had no idea if they could act like a tag team until only the two of them were left, if this would push the rules too far and they would kill him for it or if the Clave would go with it because the audience would like it. What was worse, they were not allowed to see each other once more before the fight. Jace tried his best, but it was in vain. The next time he would see Alec was in the pit. The longing for the other felt like a physical pain, reminding Jace more than everything else that he didn’t belong to himself anymore, but to the Clave. Maybe falling in love while being the doormat of the Nephilim race had not been such a good idea, after all. But it was too late for second thoughts, he had already fallen too deep to be able to scramble to the surface on his own. Not that he wanted, anyway. 

***

The day of the fight came like any other, but unlike any other day Jace felt nervous. He had thought that he had lost the ability to be nervous after he survived the first year, having believed that he had seen and survived anything there was to see and survive. But having to look out not only for yourself but worry about someone you care brought back the memories of fear. He had already lost so much in his short life, his mother, his brother, his dignity, sometimes he thought his soul, too – he would not lose Alec. Not if he could help it. 

The sound of the gong brought Jace back in the here and then, he was surrounded by three Shadowhunters, another gladiator in sight but Jace suspected that the other would leave him to his fate and not get engaged. Jace was able to take the first kid down easily by a few punches to the temple. She fell down like a tree, the gong to collect her ringing through the arena. Jace had no idea how many were left, but he focused on the task on hand. The two had decided to work together, which was clever. They were clearly on the warpath, they wanted blood. His blood to be precise. 

The convicted kids had weapons, the gladiators didn’t, which was a severe disadvantage but couldn’t be helped. Jace needed to work with what he had: his own body, his wits and his experience. But he really needed to focus, half his mind was still scanning the distance to find a trace of Alec. “He can handle himself”, Jace muttered to himself. “Focus, Morgenstern, or it will be the last thing you do.” Just in time he pulled himself together to block a harsh blow. Both Shadowhunters attacked at the same time, trying to force their way through his cover, Jace using a wooden stick which he had found on the floor. One nearly succeeded and was able to injure his left arm. The sting angered Jace, but he refrained from letting himself get caught in the feeling. Blind rage rarely won a fight. 

The two other Shadowhunters were good. He didn’t see an opening presenting so he tried to keep calm and just block their blows. He circled back and forth to keep them busy and to prevent them from getting in his back. Both in front was bad enough, but being surrounded worse – so he made sure to keep them engaged. Suddenly he spotted a better weapon lying on the floor. Not a real weapon but a nicely shaped stone, which would do the job. He rolled forward and with one fluid motion he grabbed the stone and smashed it with all his force against the head of the fighter closest. He hit the boy right at the temple and the boy went down without a sound. Jace hoped the blow had not been too strong and the kid would survive. Otherwise… he stopped his way of thinking right there. Too late for that anyway, what was done, was done. He focused on the other opponent now, it seemed she had lost her esteem after the other had been immobilized. The blond gladiator took the blade from the kid on the ground, absentmindedly realizing the small breaths. Good. Not dead. Yet anyway. 

After a short fight with their swords Jace was able to disarm the girl and with a blow to her head with his hilt, he took out number three. This time he had made sure not to strike too forcefully, after 2 years he was a master at that – normally, if he was not too distracted. 

He jogged down the arena in search of any others. He hadn’t seen the second gladiator again – all gladiators wore read so that they were easy to spot – but he followed the noises of the fight. He heard yells and muffled screams from the left and the sound from two crashing sword blades from the right. He hesitated. Left or right? “Alec” he screamed, finally deciding against caring what the Clave would do later to him. He would make sure Alec survived. 

“Jace”. Jace let out his breath, not having realized that he was holding it. The raven boy was alive. He leapt into action and run towards the sword fight and not a second too soon. The gladiator appeared to be out of his mind, instead of immobilizing he was out for a kill. Alec was already badly injured, his fighting gear torn apart and a nasty wound on the chest clearly visible. He fought with his left arm, his right hanging useless on his side, probably another stab wound or a discolated shoulder. Considering all that, he held his ground surprisingly well, but clear exhaustion and pain was written over his sweaty face, his wet hair sticking to his forehead. He would not make it much longer. Jace ran towards the fighting couple as swift as he could, activating his speed rune without thinking about it. With his blade high over his head he leaped at the other gladiator, just to draw back in the last second and instead of piercing the other right through his spine Jace used his hilt and rammed it into the kid’s neck. Like the others, he went down and stayed there. 

Jace threw his blade away, not caring for the weapon anymore. Alec had slid to his knees, panting heavily, his eyes blood-shot and with a feral expression. He coughed and Jace could see that his mouth was red, his lungs were on the verge of collapsing. In an instant he was next to him, connecting them the same way he had done the first time, back in Alec’s cell, only a couple of weeks ago but yet an eternity away. Jace took Alec’s face tenderly in his hands, connecting their foreheads – and the whole area where they were crouching lit up in a golden glow. The force with which Jace pushed his angelic power into Alec enlightened the whole surrounding, making the crowd gasp in awe and surprise. It hurt, it had never hurt so much before, but the wounds Jace needed to heal, heal fast, were more deathly than anything Jace had healed before for someone. The pain was not important to him, there was nothing Jace would not endure to keep alive his friend – boyfriend – lover – whatever he was, he was his. And it worked. Jace could feel through the thin fabric of his gear the older boy’s heartbeat getting stronger and steadier. He felt the normal breathing returning, the breaths were no longer ragged and painful but forceful, as if Alec drew in any life he could get. Which he probably was. 

The audience was mesmerized, they had never seen such a display of pure angelic power before, the golden glow leaving the crowd in amazement. Very distantly Jace registered the reaction, but he couldn’t bring himself to dwell on it. All he needed and wanted was right in his arms. He knew he had to stop at some time, otherwise he himself would be too drained, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Saving Alec was just more important. If Alec had not nudged him lightly at his shoulder, he might have held on till all his power was gone, but the small push made him come out of his trance and he stopped, hesitantly with a questioning look in his eyes, but he stopped, yet holding the other boy close. “I’m fine” Alec breathed. “I’m fine.” But he wasn’t. at least not yet. A vote was due. It seemed that the Clave counted Alec’s near death experience a defeat, as both boys heard the final gong, a sound dreaded and welcomed at the same time. There was no chance Jace would have fought Alec so he was glad for the gong, but the time which always followed the sound was the worst in the whole fight. 

Thankfully, all perpetrators had survived. One gladiator was dead, but Jace had barely knew her, so it didn’t bother him much. Just another corpse which once was a child full of hopes and dreams, shattered in the dust of the insanity of the law. The gladiator Jace had tackled down was still unconscious, but alive. Time stretched to an impossible length, while the boys were still sitting on the ground, not letting go. This time, to increase the tension, they showed the votes one per one, not at the same time as usual. Jace was sure that Alec would be the last, and he was proven right. 

The first kid Jace had disabled was down-voted, to no-ones surprise but against all odds Jace had hoped otherwise. He was just glad that his time another gladiator gave the killing blow. Mercy was shown to the other two and they survived, at least for now. Jace had no idea how many times the kids were sentenced to fight. He hoped it was the only one. The crowd seemed in a soft mood, the other kids, the once Jace had not seen in the arena at all, gained also enough up-votes. Jace sighed slightly, he was sure that this meant Alec would live as well, but you never could be sure. Not of the votes and also not for the Clave to not stage something. He was sure the common people had liked his stunt with his runes, he was not so sure what the Clave thought about it, but he would learn soon enough.  
When Alec’s scale was aired both Shadowhunters closed their eyes for a short moment, before locking eyes. Alec had made it another round. Four done, two to go. 

They were both brought back to their cells under the cheers of the crowd. They even called out their names, they really had won them over. In his cell, Alec was pacing up and down relentlessly, waiting for Jace. He hated to be doomed to sit tight and wait, but he had no idea how to do trade like Jace did, whom to offer or ask. He was also not so sure that he was capable of pulling through with it, knowing very well that it was kind of selfish to let Jace handle everything, more so now he knew what it implicated. But something told him that Jace would not be pleased if Alec followed his example and offer himself to the guards.

Finally, after he had lost hope for this night, his door opened and Jace was pushed through the door – pushed because he was not able to walk anymore. His whole body and face was covered in bruises and cuts, his nose broken, one eye swollen and his lip cut open. “What happened” Alec whispered softly, horror written all over his face. “The Clave didn’t like me healing you. They showed me who is in charge. I’m not allowed to heal myself until they say so. But I think they did a mistake. The guard brought me to you without expecting anything in return. Just for us. They are defying the Clave for us.” Jace seemed too tired and in too much pain to say more, even though Alec heard the excitement in Jace’s voice, so Alec helped him lay down and tried to wrap around him without causing further pain. Jace winced and Alec wanted to draw back, but Jace hands pulled him closer. There were worse things than a little pain when it meant you could be close to the boy you love. 

Alec had hoped to learn more about the Circle but Jace was clearly in no position to talk, so Alec told Jace about his family, his life, back in New York. He told him about his secret escape place on the rooftop, his former ambitions to follow into his mother’s footsteps as Head of the Institute, his thoughts about establishing an alliance with the Downworld and mostly he told Jace about his sister Izzy. The sister he had always protected and loved, the sister who had always been there for him, who had tried to teach him how to live and not only exist to train and learn, the sister whom he had promised to come back to. He felt Jace’s body getting heavier, his eyelids slowly shut down, his breathing became deeper and slower. A content sigh painted with a hint of sorrow and pain escaped Jace’s mouth before sleep took over for good and the horrors of the day were washed away by far more pleasant things, dreams of freedom and light, of love and hope.

This time a loud banging against the door wakened them. Maybe it was just pure imagination, but the sound of the guard’s voice seemed a bit more reluctant and tinted with a hinge of pity. Jace groaned, he was still clearly in pain. Alec hoped he was allowed to heal himself soon. He didn’t dare think about the Clave making him fight like that. Before Jace had the chance to stand up, Alec cupped his chin tenderly and gave him a soft kiss on the lips. “I love you Jace. And I swear to the Angel, if you answer with I know again, I…” but the thread stayed unspoken in the air, as Jace leaned in and kissed him more passionately. Drawing away he smiled a wicked smile but then his lips brushed Alec’s left ear and he whispered lowly in a very hot and seductive but yet completely earnest voice. “I love you, Alec. I love you so much.” 

Another bang interrupted them and they knew it was time. Jace had always made sure that he was not pushed around or dragged; he saved his dignity and walked on his own. He knew it did you nothing good if you tried to defy such simple things. You just would break easier. 

Several days past before Jace was allowed in Alec’s cell again. Alec had not been permitted to do anything but train, so he hadn’t seen any of Jace’s matches, which had made him itchy and unsettled, but he had tried to convince himself that he surely would have learned from the gossip of the others if Jace had been killed. He had really been pretty sure – but the relief which washed through his bones when he saw his blond again showed him how little convincing he had been. 

Jace looked tired, but otherwise unharmed – another relieve. Alec had hated to see the pain in the beautiful face last time, unable to make it stop. Alec pulled Jace in for a tight hug, needing as much physical contact as he could get. Jace nuzzled at the sensitive flesh of Alec’s neck and relaxed into the embrace. “Alec” he said, his voice sounding flat and tired, so tired. Alec pushed him gently to the mattress in the corner, curling in on him. “I’m so sorry I’m always such a mess.”  
Alec rolled his eyes and scoffed. “Don’t be silly. Let me take care of you.” And Jace let it happen. He just closed his eyes while Alec stripped him slowly naked, kissing every inch of his body, sucking small marks into his body, caressing every scar he discovered. And there were plenty. Jace just moaned helplessly, giving fully in to the sensation and giving the raven boy all control. Alec kissed his way down Jace’s body with no rush, taking all the time in the world to make the blond whimper with pleasure and arousal. Alec smirked when he saw the bulge in Jace’s crotch and he could feel himself hardening as well. Whenever he had thought about getting intimate with someone, he had always pictured it awkward and clumsy, but this was anything but. He loved the small sounds which came from Jace’s mouth, the way the blond trusted him fully and let him lead the way. So when he came to Jace’s waistband he pulled it down without any sign of hesitation, letting the blond’s hard cock spring free. Before his brain could kick in and overthink anything as it was usually his habit, he just sucked the tip of it into his mouth and started licking. Holy shit, that tasted way better than expected and felt so hot. Encouraged by the small jerks of Jace’s hip, he swallowed down more, until he started to bop his head. He felt Jace’s hand in his hair, but it was not before he hummed in agreement before Jace started to slowly push into his throat, before he started to fuck his face. The sensation was overwhelming and he couldn’t help but stroke himself, a few pumps enough to come. Jace moaned helplessly Alec’s name before he followed him over the edge. 

Both boys dosed off, but after a while Alec felt Jace getting restless beside him. “What’s up?” he muttered sleepily.  
“I don’t think I can do it again.” Jace said after a long pause, a soft blush appearing on his cheeks while he avoided looking at Alec.  
“What do you mean?”  
“Your next fight. You are fighting me again. But I’m not sure if I can handle standing next to you again and maybe having to kill you. I just, I just don’t know how to pull through once more.” A sound which was close to a sob escaped Jace’s mouth.  
“Hey” Alec said gently, “it’s okay. I get it. I totally do. But there might be a way around it.”  
Jace stilled and finally looked at him again. “How so?”  
“Well, I was able to do a bit digging, better to say to send a massage to my sister to let her do some. Apparently the Lightwood name still counts for something or better our family fortune. There is a rule that if you hit over a million up-votes during the fight, the fight stops and no final vote will take place.”  
“A million? That has never happened before.”  
“Yes, because we have never happened before. The crowd loves us already, the story of our star-crossed love is huge out there says my sister. And there is one thing the people even like better than violence and blood.”

It was quiet for several minutes, before Jace finally said: “Sex.” Alec nodded, his cheeks a deep crimson red. It had sounded like a good idea in his head before, but saying and discussing it were two different pairs of shoes. “So”, Jace said slowly, “you suggest that we fuck instead of fighting. I’m not sure how the Clave will like it, I’m not sure that I like it. I mean of course I would like to have sex with you sometime, but in public? Do you have any idea how many people will see us? Your family?”  
“Of course we have to do some fighting first, we have to pretend that our feelings are overwhelming us and we just give in to it. And yes I know how many will watch, that’s kind of the point. And I think I prefer everyone to see me being fucked by you than seeing me getting killed by you.” His heated voice turned soft before he added. “Or letting you suffer again while you comfort me through my final vote.” 

Jace looked at him closely, the sincerity of the older boy touching him in places he never thought he had. He briefly closed his eyes and nodded. “Ok. You are sure about this?” When Alec confirmed, he carried on. “But you will be the top Alec, there is no way in hell I’ll take your virginity in front of a blood-thirsty crowd.” His voice was firm and he looked at Alec pointedly. “And no, I will not do it now, because I will not let the Clave dictate me when we do this step, Alec. This point is not up for discussion. I have enough experience as a bottom.” The last sentence was spoken with a raw edge, but Jace held Alec’s gaze steady, not giving in. Jace had been 14, just hitting puberty, when he had started as gladiator. Alec couldn’t imagine what Jace had gone through since then, what they had done to him and his body. Jace always seemed so experienced and tough, but Alec wondered if he had had any experience before he had been thrown to the wolves. Probably not, the life he had led and explained to Alec didn’t seem to offer much chances for a romantic hook up, especially at the young age of 14. Alec bit back the tears he felt tingling in his eyes, before he kissed Jace possessively, he wanted the blond to feel loved and cared for, at least for the short time which they were granted. 

They had a plan and now they just had to cross their fingers that it worked out and they didn’t humiliate themselves for nothing. 

Both boys were tired but still restless, so Jace started to explain the Circle and its motivation a bit more. Valentine Morgenstern had gone, like many other Shadowhunters in his generation, to the Shadowhunter Academy. Valentine was a very skilled and charismatic person, he had a way to convince others and make them feel special which was a gift. In the hands of another man, it could have been a curse, but Valentine had the right ideas – despite his high self-esteem. He noticed that now and then pupils from the poorer families disappeared and reappeared in the fighting pits, suddenly related to a rich Shadowhunter family. When his friend Sara was taken and killed shortly after, he had had enough. He formed the Circle. First, his only intention was to make sure that the right family was punished, that it was not longer allowed to “discover” distant relatives. At the beginning, the Clave itself had not been his target. These were the days the Lightwoods – not yet married back then – joined the Circle, mesmerized by the charismatic leader Valentine and by the ideals of the youth, not yet crushed under reality and sarcasm. 

The longer Valentine dwelled over the harsh law, the more disgusted he got. He had a brilliant mind and he studied a lot other cultures and he just could not longer pretend that the way the Clave handled the law had anything to do with justice. The Circle got more extreme, a true resistance was formed with the goal to overpower the Clave and install a justice system based on judges and lawyers, similar to the mundane version. This was also the time the Clave picked up on them and the Circle went into hiding, weakened by a lot of traitors who fled their ranks out of fear, but still with the goal in mind to overthrow an inhuman governmental machinery. 

Alec listened to Jace carefully, intrigued by the things he was told. Valentine had been able to put words to his feeling of unease whenever he had watched one of the games. When – not if – he survived his last two fights, he would try to figure out a way to join the circle, it was time to force the world to change. 

The day of their fight drew inevitable nearer and soon they had to face each other again in the fighting pits of the Clave. They had not seen each other again and Alec felt nervous. The plan had seemed good and solid, but now all he could feel was his stomach revolting at the thought of what they were about to do. Fuck in front of everyone. He knew he could call it off, they could just fight – but the memory of Jace’s pressed voice and hunted eyes when he told Alec he couldn’t handle it anymore were too fresh and livid on his mind, so he dismissed that thought. Jace had sacrificed a lot so far, now he would do too. 

As soon as he stepped through the portal onto the fighting field – it looked like a meadow this time – he heard the crowd calling his name together with Jace’s. He smiled and locked eyes with the blond, for a second the only colors that mattered were blue and gold. 

The gong interrupted his trance, announcing the fight to begin. Jace usually wore the red uniform of the gladiators, but this time his chest was naked – so was Alec’s – and he wore only red shorts. It seemed the Clave played along with the lover’s theme. Before Alec could marvel longer at Jace’s body, said body crushed into him full force. Alec felt himself thrown into the air before the contact of the ground pressed all air out of his lungs. Jace was over him within seconds, kissing him sloppy first and punching him hard second, a smug smile on his face. Alec really needed to get a grip, otherwise this would turn into a one sided fight. He managed to land a blow with his elbow to Jace’s nose, causing the other to loosen his grip. He panted heavily, his lungs still not recovered from the contact with the ground. Nevertheless, he was able to free himself and to push Jace back. The game was on. 

They had decided to fight first and fuck later, making sure the crowd would be in the right mood. And apparently they were. Whenever they had skin-to-skin contact or exchanged harsh kisses, the audience went crazy, their names echoing around the arena. After a spectacular move Alec was able to pin Jace to the ground, face first. “Now” he whispered into the blond’s ear and he felt a shiver going through Jace’s body. Unlike he might have thought, being hard was not an issue, which under different conditions might have embarrassed Alec, currently he was just glad. 

They had to make it look like their feelings overpowered them so without any further preparation he bit down on Jace’s nape, holding the smaller boy in place with his body. With one hand he grabbed Jace’s hair to pull him slightly up, the other hand pulled down the blond’s pants in one swift move. His hand just trembled slightly when he freed his own cock. He heard the crowd roaring, but to his surprise it sounded distant like it had nothing to do with him or the boy beneath him, who arched his back for him. Alec straddled Jace’s legs and spit on his rock hard cock, hoping it would be enough to prevent any harm, the last thing what he wanted was to cause Jace actual pain. When he pushed into him he heard a small yelp from Jace, telling him that the spit had not been enough lube. But before he could reconsider his actions, he felt Jace push back his hips, the sensation causing Alec to thrust forward, deeper into Jace. 

The world around them got smaller and smaller, until only the two of them were left, lost in the sensation of each other. The setting was wrong – there were so many things wrong - but the whole thing itself was so right. When Alec felt his orgasm build deep within his belly he barely heard the gong and the excited screams from the viewers, announcing them that their little display had worked out. Alec came hard, collapsing onto Jace’s back with a muffled scream. 

It was the first time since the recording of the fights that someone had managed to gain the necessary up-votes to terminate the fight before the official ending. It ended just this one fight, Alec still had one figth left to fight and survive and Jace - well, better not think about it. Nevertheless, they had outsmarted the Clave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a tough chapter to write, I think I deleted as many words as I now acutally wrote, especially I was not sure about the public sex, but in the end I decided to go for it. So please let me know what you think :-)


	4. The smell of despair

Alec paced up and down in his cell, feeling guilty and confused. It was already late at night and Jace had not shown up, he had always shown up. He felt guilty for pushing Jace to do it in the first place and also for orgasming during the sex, he knew Jace hadn’t. What if Jace was mad at him? What if he had really hurt him and he had misinterpreted things? He had thought that the moans had switched from pain to pleasure, but what if not? He really felt bad, he really needed the blond to show up. But Jace didn’t come, also the day after he didn’t show up. And the next day also no sign of the blond. These were the longest days in Alec’s life. He was convinced now that he had screwed up.

Finally, 4 days later, Jace came. When he stepped through the door, Alec noticed the small limp as well as the hooded look in his eyes. He looked so much younger than the day in the fighting pit. Both stood a bit awkwardly, looking at each other. This was not the way Alec had imagined things to be. “Jace” Alec squeezed helplessly, his voice showing his insecurity. He stepped forward to touch Jace, but the blond stepped back, avoiding his gaze. Alec stilled. He had known it. He had hurt the boy he loved and now he would leave him. This stupid idea of his had ruined it, ruined everything. Jace limped because of him. At that, the rational part of him took over. There was no way that he had caused it, it had been days ago and Jace had his healing runes – no way he could have hurt him that much. There was something else going on here. Alec stepped closer again, this time there was no place for Jace to retreat, as he already stood with his back against the wall. 

Alec looked closely, he saw the dark bags under his eyes, the black marks on his jawline and the finger-shaped bruises on his throat. Suddenly he felt cold like his blood had turned into ice. “Jace” he said again, this time it sounded like a plea, a plea to be allowed to touch him. But Jace shook his head. “Don’t. They didn’t let me shower. I reek like a brothel”, he said in a low, defeated voice. As if Alec cared. He stretched out his arms and pulled the blond closer to him, thankful for not meeting any resistance, kissing tenderly the bruises. Jace was right, he could smell other men on him and he felt outraged – no one should be allowed to touch Jace like that - but nothing would stop him from being with Jace, from cuddling him, from loving him. Before he could kiss Jace’s lips, the gladiator pushed passed him, hobbling to the mattress and sitting down “Our little show inspired some others”, he said dryly, no accusation in his voice. “I’m sorry Alec.” “There is no reason for you to be sorry” Alec said, heat in his voice, but not directed at Jace. “Didn’t you try to heal yourself?” But before Jace could snap back, Alec realized how stupid the question had been, of course he had healed himself– but Alec knew too well that some things didn’t heal at once but needed time. “I’m sorry, that was a dumb thing to say. I just, I have no idea what to do. All I want to do is hold you and comfort you. But you won’t let me. I really don’t give a damn how you smell Jace. You are you. And I want you. I need you.” Alec saw the defiance crumple and the blond sighed. “I even taste like them” he pressed out, blinking angrily to not let any tears fall. “Then let me change that.” 

Alec cupped Jace’s chin, tenderly, to not add on to the bruises and tilted the blond’s chin before he kissed him. When Jace didn’t open his mouth, he gently bit on his lower lip and the small gasp allowed him to enter. Jace was right, he tasted the bitter flavor of other men but he kissed Jace anyway or maybe just because of it. When Jace relaxed into their kiss, the tension in Alec’s body melted away, tension he had not even been aware of. Everything would be ok, they would be ok. 

A sudden knock on the door startled them both and left Jace paling. Not so soon. But instead of the usual call for Jace to get out, a bowl of warm water with a washcloth was scooped into the cell. They stared at each other in disbelief. Alec got up and collected it, someone even had added soap. “I think we got ourselves a fan club” Jace said, breaking the silence, some of his usual confidence coming back. “Let me” Alec said, taking the cloth and wetting it. He ordered Jace to strip before he gently washed away the scent, dirt, blood and semen on the blond’s body, hopefully together with some of the bad memories. He washed him carefully with the cloth and with his mouth, as he made sure to kiss every part of the cleaned skin. When he was done he looked up into Jace’s sleepy eyes, he looked more like himself again. “How can I ever repay you, Jace?” Alec asked huskily. “Survive. Live.” Easier said than done, but Alec was determined to comply with this wish.

They curled up into each other, enjoying the closeness in silence for a while, but Jace’s mind was clearly not at peace. “Do you know what the worst thing is? When they want me to come. As if I enjoyed myself, as if they pleasured me. I hate that so much. And I hate me so much because they succeed. They make me come. What does this say about me?” The last words were more choked than spoken. When Alec turned Jace around to be able to face him, he saw a single tear running down his pretty face, his eyes red but dry except the one drop.   
“Nothing, Jace, it says nothing. It is normal. Awful but normal. The body just reacts. When something which is meant to be stimulated gets the stimulation, a reaction is totally normal and no sign of pleasure or that the other person agrees or wants it. Women can also get orgasms while being raped. There is nothing wrong with you Jace, just a normal body reaction of a teenaged boy. They are the sick ones. Not you.” At first Jace looked skeptical, but then he nodded and buried his head in Alec’s crook. “How do you know?” “I’ve read about it in mundane papers. It is true, I wouldn’t lie about something like that.”   
“Do you think it’s worth it?”  
“What do you mean?” Alec frowned.  
“This. Is surviving worth it when there is nothing left of you to go on living? Did you really win than or do you lose all along? My brother turns 18 in two months. I’ve heard rumors… they will let us fight each other.”  
“But this is against the rules, you’re both gladiators.”  
“There are no rules except the ones they make. If they want us to fight we will. I think they will make us do it. As a final punishment for Jonathan and me. Die or kill your own brother. And I don’t even know if there is anything left to call my brother, Alec. He seems so empty. But still, he is my brother. And maybe I’m not so far away from his state.”

Alec didn’t know what to say at that. Jace was right and wrong at the same time. Of course his time here had changed him, was constantly changing him. But this current Jace was worth as much as the past Jace. “You’re stronger, Jace. You will not lose yourself completely. You are just you, another version maybe but still you. You will survive and I’ll be waiting for you. I promise.” It was a weak comfort, but the best Alec could offer right now. 

Soon after, they fell asleep, exhausted from the passed days. But before Jace’s eyes fluttered shut, he pressed against Alec even closer. “You were worried that you did something wrong when I didn’t show up, weren’t you?” It was more a statement than a question. Alec blushed, after all Jace had been put through he still had enough compassion left to think about Alec’s feelings. No, Jace would never lose himself. “Yes, I was” he admitted quietly.  
“Never doubt that I come for you, Alec Lightwood. Whenever I have the power I’ll come. And everything I’ll have to do for it is worth it, never doubt it.” 

***

If Alec was honest, he had mixed feelings about his last fight. He sure felt glad that it was the final time he had to proof himself, but he dreaded to leave Jace behind in this hell. But he had no choice anyway. His last fight drew nearer; rumors were it was a fight two against two, with their weapon of choice. After they had pulled their last stunt, both boys were sure that Alec’s last fight would be against two other gladiators and not Jace. The blond felt ashamed that part of him was glad about it. He had been serious about him doubting that he could handle another time standing there with a blade pressed against the throat of his lover, being forced to kill if the crowd wished for it. 

They were not granted much time together, but it seemed that the guards, at least some, had taken a kind of liking to them. Normally the kids were not allowed to mingle with the gladiators, but for Jace and Alec there were made some exceptions. Alec wondered how this had happened. He had heard from Izzy, who had been able to smuggle him some notes, that Jace and Alec were the topic in Idris and beyond, a lot people craving their star-crossed love story. It appeared, they had fans inside as well, Alec stated, when they were both led to the same screen to watch a game While they were watching two other kids fight, they discussed the weapon Alec could choose. They were not alone, but nevertheless they were glad to have this time together. When Alec told Jace that his favorite weapon was a bow, Jace just snorted and rolled his eyes. “That so fits. You’re always the protector. But a bow is not the right choice here. What else do you like, something fancy would be good.” Alec thought the matter over, he was good with blades, swords, daggers – all average Shadowhunter weapons. Good for killing demons, but nothing thrilling to please an easily-bored crowd. “A whip” Alec finally breathed out, causing Jace to cock an eyebrow. “My sister Izzy’s chosen weapon is a whip. And I learned to fight with it too. I’m not as good as her, but still I’m pretty skilled. And nearly nobody fights with a whip.” This was true, a whip was a rare weapon in the Shadow World, as it was a difficult weapon to master but it was great to watch. So at least this was settled. 

Way too soon the fights of the day were over and they had to return to their cells. Jace pulled quickly away from the guard who wanted to escort him away to press a last, desperate kiss to Alec’s lips. But before Alec could tell him how much he loved him, Jace shook his head. “No goodbyes or anything. Tell me after you survived.” Alec nodded, he understood where Jace was coming from. Neither could handle a farewell right now.

***  
Jace was allowed – forced – to watch Alec’s fight. His arms folded behind his back, he paced up and down in front of the screen, watching the raven boy fight for his life, one last time. Subconsciously he chewed on his lower lip until he could taste blood. The warlock who provided the portal to the pits looked at him with pity in her eyes. “So it’s true. You do care for each other.” Jace gaze darted shortly to the warlock but then looked back at the screen. “Yes” was the only responds he was able to give.   
“At first I thought you two did it only for the show. It must be tough to be damned to only watch.” And it was. As much as Jace had loathed the moments after the fight, standing now in front of the screen where he could do nothing was even worse. He clenched his hands into fist and gritted his teeth. “What do you care, warlock?” he asked. The warlock just shrugged. “Even I have been young once and I know how the first love feels. What the Clave forces you to do is cruel.” This time Jace looked up a bit longer, but his eyes never leaving the screen fully. “So why do you help them?”   
“Normally I don’t care for Shadowhunters” the warlock shrugged. “I was already alive at a time where Shadowhunters hunted us Downworlders down to collect trophies, warlock marks, fangs. So why should I care if they go after their own kind? But I don’t know, you and that boy”, she nodded towards the screen, “it kind of stirred something inside me.” 

Jace was silent for a moment. He had heard rumors that the Clave was planning to add Downworlders to the pits. Until then, it had been only Shadowhunters, the Clave had allowed the Downworld to deal with their perpetrators themselves, they had not interfered. He was not sure if it was true, the source of his information not entirely reliable. But what the warlock had said about him not caring about Shadowhunters reminded him that the Downworld would care if their own children were at stake. Maybe they would see the urgency to do something against it, maybe there really was still hope. When he told the warlock, the woman shook her head in disbelief. But Jace saw that she was thinking, thinking hard if this might not be a possibility. Jace didn’t push, he knew very well that some things had to take root by themselves. Instead, he concentrated on the screen again.

Alec did well, as did the other kid. The whip had been an excellent choice. If Alec had not been just modest and his sister was indeed even better, he would really like to meet her sometime. The whip was also a great choice because it was not a weapon to kill someone too easily. It was more a weapon to disarm or choke. The show Alec made was incredible; Jace was proud and scared at the same time. Where was the boy from the first fight? A man who knew how to play the masses had replaced him. After a specific good fighting sequence, Alec suddenly ripped his shirt in half, exposing his bare chest to the crowd. On his left chest, directly over his heart was a freshly made tattoo. A Parabatai rune, the strongest rune existing in the Shadow World, even more committing than a wedding rune, together with a morning star. Jace’s breath caught. This was for him. His last name, Morgenstern, was the German translation of morning star. He watched as Alec kissed his index and middle finger of the right hand and pressed it on the tattoo, the crowd roaring in excitement. “I love you, too” Jace whispered to the screen. 

The fight was quite even and raged for a long time. Every blow or stab Alec received made Jace squirm and if he could have, he would have lunged into the arena and pull his lover out. But of course, this was not an option. Finally, finally the gong sounded throughout the arena as both kids were disarmed and pinned down, but at the same time his screen went black. Jace’s head snapped up, looking questioningly at the warlock. “What is happening?” he asked, the fear clearly audible in his voice. Why didn’t they show the voting? Minutes passed and Jace just stood helplessly and stared at the black screen. Suddenly a guard showed up and whispered something to the warlock who nodded and opened a portal. “I’m sorry kid, I really am” she said to Jace. Jace could hear the crowd through the portal. They were screaming and chanting his name. They were demanding that he would show up and take his place at Alec’s side. He could not believe how sick they were, screaming for him to show up to maybe kill his lover. He closed his eyes, stealing himself for what was to come, swallowing down the despair he felt. He knew he didn’t have a choice, he had to step through that damn portal and face whatever was waiting for him. The warlock handed him a seraph blade before she nudged him towards the portal, gently not roughly but still. “Let’s go, kiddo,” she said and Jace nodded. It was time to face his fate.

The cheers were overwhelmingly loud, it seemed that everybody was standing and screaming his name. The sun was shining bright and he had to press his eyes together to be able to see anything, the contrast of the blazing light to the dullness of the catacombs where he had been watching, being too extreme. His eyes searched for Alec and they widened when they found him. Alec was kneeling, he was blindfolded and his wrists were bound on his back. Next to him lay the other kid, already beheaded by a gladiator. Jace was shocked, he really had thought that the fight had been good enough for both boys to survive. He realized that he stood frozen, frozen in place and time. He hadn’t moved since he had stepped through the portal. He shook himself and before he moved towards Alec, he quickly glanced up to his votes. They were at the same ranking than before the screen had gone black, so the final vote had not yet been counted in. 

The closer he got to Alec, the more Jace had to force himself. He felt his body going numb, it was not really him moving. The crowd got more excited the further he went, it was sickening and he had to swallow down bile. How could people get like that? He had to step over the dead body before he could get to Alec. He crouched down beside Alec, embracing the trembling boy. It was just than when his feelings returned, into his heart and body. He could do this. He would do this, for Alec. “Jace” the muffled sound full of despair and fear pierced his soul. “Sh, baby, it’s okay. I’m here now. It’s okay. Your votes are not up yet.” He started to rub Alec’s back, trying to stop his hands and voice from shaking. He was determined to not let it show how much this act cost him, how much it was taking from him. Because here was Alec, kneeling in front of him, needing him, so nothing else mattered, at least not his own feelings. So he was strong, even if it might be the last time he would be able to be so. 

Jace tried to undo the blindfold, but the fold was magically bound so he had no chance removing it. He gently pushed Alec’s head towards him so it rested on his shoulder. His thumb caressed his cheeks and neck, the other hand still rubbed the taller boy’s back, humming a soothing melody, giving all the comfort he could give. He felt Alec relaxing a little and a sad smile appeared on his face. Slowly he moved themselves a bit so that he could face the votes. 

His heart stocked. This could not be true. He looked up and saw the pity and horror on the faces of the other gladiators. But there was still time. He clung to this last straw. He felt Alec stir beneath his hold, clearly the other boy had picked up on his body tension. “What’s happening?” “Sh, everything is going to be okay. I’m here. I’m going nowhere, I promise. I’m here” Jace lied, not about not leaving but about the part where he promised that everything was going to be ok. Part of him knew that there was not enough time left for the up-votes to catch on, considering how much time had already passed. But he still hoped, he hoped so much. 

When the final gong rang, he closed his eyes in despair and defeat. The crowd had gone silent, fuck them, fuck the Clave, fuck them all. If he had seen any chance to fight them free – or only Alec – he would have taken it, but he knew there was none. He knew what he had to do, otherwise Alec would suffer more and die anyway in the end. He just didn’t know where to get the strength to do it. 

Alec was still kneeling in front of him, his breathing getting more and more ragged. Finally Jace was able to remove the blindfold, it seemed the magic had worn off. Jace took his head in his hands, forcing Alec to look at him and only look at him. For the last time hazel eyes locked with blue and gold. “Close your eyes, baby, relax. It’s just you and me. Only you and me Alec, nothing else matters.” He kissed the boy in front of him, tasting the tears which ran down Alec’s – and his own - face, of course he knew what was coming. Jace’s voice was surprisingly steady when he told Alec how much he loved him before he kissed him again. He heard the whispered answer that he was loved back, he didn’t need the reassurance, he knew that Alec loved him, nevertheless it was nice to hear it again. One last time. Jace took the blade in his right hand, the other hand caressing Alec’s back. Alec’s forehead rested on his left shoulder, small sobs coming from him. Jace kissed his wet temple and jawline, trying to shush him, while his grip on the blade got fiercer and steadier. His hand was not shaking anymore. He remembered Valentine teaching him that there was a spot at a man’s back where you could pierce the spine and the heart at the same time. This was where he was aiming at. Quick and painless. He felt nothing but the warm body pressed against him, but he himself, he just felt cold. He told Alec to hold still and again how much he loved him, something he had said not enough and would never be able to say enough times now. He breathed out, the blade in his hand felt like an enemy, but it lit up nevertheless. He gripped it even harder, his knuckles turning white, ready to bring it down. Ready to step it through Alec’s back. Ready to kill his love. 

Subconsciously Jace heard an uproar from the audience, but he was too focused, too much in a tunnel to react. Suddenly he felt a sharp pain in his hand which had held the blade, the pain causing him to open up his fist and the blade shattered to the ground. The other gladiator had kicked the blade out of his hand and gripped his head to force him to look at the screen. All of a sudden, Alec’s up-votes had gone up, they were going higher and higher and finally exceeding the down-votes. It just had been a game, another game the Clave had played with them. Jace couldn’t move. He just sat there and stared, not able to process it. He had been so close, so close to killing the boy he loved. Alec opened his eyes and stared as well, not at the screen – he had quickly glanced and seen that he had won – but at Jace. But Jace didn’t look at him, too lost in his own horrors. Before Alec could move, two guards stepped in and dragged him away. Alec was kicking at them, trying to get away, trying to get to Jace, fuck dignity. He screamed Jace’s name again and again, but the blond didn’t react. Finally he slowly looked up, but what Alec saw made his blood turn into ice and the screams died in his throat. Jace looked at him, no, he looked through him, with hollow eyes, an emptiness reflecting in them Alec had never seen in anyone but one person. Jace’s brother Jonathan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked the new chapter. I really appreciate all your thoughts and comments, so thanks to everyone who commented and will comment :-)  
> And of course thank you for leaving kudos!


	5. The feel of remedy

Alec was dragged out of the arena and through a portal into the catacombs, but unlike the other times he was not tossed into his cell but led further away, into a small room where a Clave official was already waiting for him. Alec could barely listen to the things the man said, but he understood enough to comprehend that he was free, his sentence fulfilled and duly served. It felt like a dream, but not necessarily a good one. Alec couldn’t stop thinking about the hollow expression in Jace’s eyes, the fact that he had been nearly killed. He had really thought that it would going to be his end back in the arena. As the adrenaline was slowly leaving his body, he felt a tiredness and dizziness settling in. He couldn’t believe that the Clave had played with them like rag dolls. He remembered Jace saying that the Clave only played by their own rules and maybe for the first time he truly believed it. Even while experiencing the cruelties first hand, one small part of him had clung to the sentiment that the law was the law and therefore, somehow, everything what the Clave did was justifiable. But this, this had been just an extra cruel punishment to entertain the crowd and break them both. At this line of thought, the tiredness transformed into anger. He knew that despite his experience he was not broken, not at all, in fact he felt stronger than ever. He had survived and he would fight back. But Jace… he knew that the look on the blond’s face would hunt him forever. 

The Clave official gave him his normal clothes back, which he had handed in so many weeks ago. It felt strange to dress in his usual jeans and leather jacket, after wearing filthy fighting gear for so long. After he signed his release papers a guard escorted him to the next room where his family was waiting. As soon as he stepped through the door, Izzy threw herself at him, hugging him tightly as if she never wanted to let go again. He pulled her in and when his arms closed around her, he believed for the first time that he indeed was free now. There were no words spoken between the siblings, as there were no words needed. He looked down at his little sister and saw the tears streaming down her face. He swore to himself that he would never let anything like that happen to her, never again. Finally, they both let go. 

The greeting with his parents was awkward, to put it mildly. His parents were the reason he was convicted and of course they knew it and they felt guilty. And Alec… he was not ashamed of what he had done in the arena, but it was strange to think that his parents had seen him on screen – killing and fucking. The hug he gave both of them felt forced and he withdraw as fast as he could. He hadn’t had a lot of time to think of his parents, to dwell on the events which led to his imprisonment. Seeing them now showed him that he had not forgiven them – if he had not forgiven them for joining the circle of for leaving it, he could not say yet. Seeing the truth and then turn your back to it just because you were scared was somehow even worse than never realizing that there was a truth to discover. 

His father made a gesture to indicate for them to go, but Alec shook his head. There was no way he would go without having seen Jace first. He needed to see him, to check on him. “I need to talk to Jace.” His parents looked at him in disbelief, and even Izzy looked startled. They all had thought that he wanted to leave as fast as he could. “That’s not possible”, Robert Lightwood replied weakly. 

“Then make it possible.” They stared at each other, Alec couldn’t understand how he had been so frightened of his father and valued his father’s opinion so much, not so long ago. But this was in the past, he was not the same boy anymore. He was done being afraid. So when his father tried to grab his arm and drag Alec with him, Alec just shoved him against the next wall and said in a very calm and very deadly voice: “Make. It. Happen. I don’t care what you have to do, whom you have to bribe or how much, but you will make it happen. I won’t leave without seeing Jace again.”   
“Alec, listen, that boy…” The disgust in Maryse’s voice was clearly audible, a fact which angered Alec beyond everything.  
“That boy has saved my life, he saved me. You should be grateful that he was here with and for me. I’m only here because of you! So you will not judge me or him and you will do what I ask you to do,” he spat, his voice was still low and thus even more dangerous. The moment he had shoved his father against the wall, that exact moment he realized that there was nothing he wouldn’t do for Jace.   
His father seemed to notice that he would not give in. He sighed and left the room, coming back half an hour later with a guard. “He will escort you to him. You have this one night, than you will portal with us home to New York.” 

It was a strange feeling to walk along the cell rows in normal clothes. He felt differently and the guard surely treated him that way. There was no shoving or dragging, just a respectful distance. He wandered how much a night with Jace cost. He knew he wasn’t the first to buy it and he would not be the last. The thought caused him nearly physical pain, but there was nothing he could do about it and he knew it. They both did.

When he passed by the cells, he noticed a gladiator with two guards at each side walking towards him. It took him a while to realize that it was Jonathan Morgenstern. He felt the gaze of the redhead fixated on him, Jonathan’s blue eyes turning dark, nearly fully black when he addressed him. “You broke my brother, Lightwood. Fix him.” Jonathan’s voice was cold and dangerous, the thread, spoken in a low growl, caused Alec to shiver. He didn’t know what to think of the encounter. On the one hand, it was a good sign, Jonathan seemed to still care about Jace, but on the other hand – when someone as lost as Jonathan realized that something in Jace had broken – could this then really be fixed? Or was it beyond repair?

When Jace’s cell door was opened, it took Alec a minute to adjust to the dim lighting. Jace lay on his mattress, curled into a fetal position and facing the wall. He didn’t stir or show any other sign of having heard the cell door. This was not a good thing, Alec knew how much Jace hated it to be manhandled, so normally he would have stood up or at least turned around to see what was going on. But he didn’t move, not a single muscle was twitching. The cell door closed behind Alec and he stepped tentatively forward. “Jace” he said softly. No reaction. He stepped closer, sitting behind the blond but without touching him yet. “It’s me, Jace. Look at me, please.” When Jace didn’t give him any sign that he had heard him, he just lay down behind him and curled into him, the same way they had slept most of the time. If Alec was honest, he was lost. He had no idea how to reach Jace in his near catatonic state. He only knew he had to, somehow. So he nudged Jace slightly and moved even closer, kissing the wet face in front of him. The blond had actually been crying – which was good, right? “You shouldn’t be here.” Jace’s voice was so low, Alec nearly couldn’t understand him.   
“Of course I should.”

Slowly Jace turned around, but he was still not looking at Alec directly. He took in Alec’s leather jacket, the combat boots and the black jeans. “So you are really free.” Alec could only nod. Jace closed his eyes and cried even more, his whole body was shaking with sobs. He was not a beautiful crier, his eyes were red and swollen and his face full of snot. “I nearly killed you.”  
“But you didn’t.”  
“Only because of the other gladiator. I was ready to kill you Alec.” The self-loathing made Alec’s heart ache. He knew that Jace struggled with the fact that he had been the one to kill him, but if Alec was honest he had been glad that it had been Jace. He didn’t know how he had survived otherwise, without the reassuring presence of Jace beside him. He felt guilty for it, but neither of them had had a choice. But somehow, they had to live with it now.

He pulled the blond close and started to comb his hear lightly, knowing that this normally soothed him. He tried to provide some of the protectiveness and comfort Jace had given him in the arena. “Listen to me Jace. Please. Look at me. I know what this cost you and I hate myself for it. I hate that you have been forced to go through it again, I hate that through me the Clave found your vulnerable spot and used it against you. I hate that your presence was the only comfort for me out there, because I know how much you loathed it. But please, let them not destroy us. Don’t let them destroy you. Don’t let them win.“  
“But haven’t they already?“ Jace’s voice was barely audible and sounded defeated, tired. Like he had given up. 

Alec huffed with frustration. He cupped the blond’s chin firmly and forced him to look up, to look at him. “Damn it, Jace. That’s not you talking. What happened to the boy who was sure to survive and take down the Clave? I know this was horrible, but we will pull through it. Together.” Jace just laughed, a hollow, sneering laugh without any trace of humor in it.  
“There is no together after today. You will move on and live your pretty life of yours. Become the new Head and so on, while I’m stuck in this hell. Don’t pretend otherwise Alec, you put on a great show, I have to admit it, but you can stop pretending now.”

Alec was speechless for a moment. He didn’t know how to respond, his first urge was to slap Jace till the blond would see sense again, but he tried to not let his anger lead him. “Cut the crap Jace. I know what you are doing. You are not pushing me away. There is no me and you anymore, there is just us. And if you clearly think that I would just move on…” his voice broke, hurt coming to the surface. For the first time, Jace’s eyes really focused on Alec. Jace run his hands through his hair in a desperate gesture, Alec noticed the slight tremble. “So you really mean it?” He nodded towards Alec’s heart, towards the Parabatai tattoo with the morning star. “Even after all that I have done?” 

“What you have done? You were ready to stay with me and comfort me through my last and darkest minutes, you are the only reason I’m sitting here now, not only save but also mentally sound. Fuck Jace, you never left me out there. Don’t leave me now, because I never will.” Alec was surprised to feel Jace’s dry and cracked lips on his, but he never had felt so relieved. Truth be told, he had been really scared. He knew Jace was a strong personality, otherwise he had broken long ago and not come so far, but Alec felt that something in Jace had changed, probably partly – or fully – his fault. Love changed people, usually for the better – but being good was nothing Jace or him should aim for, being good was nothing for a kid who had to fight for his life in the arena. Being good was simply not an option. Alec knew that falling in love with Jace as well as the whole situation had changed him for good, if for better or worse he was not sure, but also, he didn’t care, as long as it helped them to stay alive. 

Becoming Parabatai was a sacred bond, a bond which once tied together could never been undone. You gave a part of your soul to your Parabatai and received part of him in return. When souls bonded like this and one soul lived in two bodies, the lines where the one ended and the other began blurred. When then in addition even the hearts melted together, there was nothing strong enough to separate the pair– Parabatai lovers were a force to reckon with – but it held risks, as everything. Part of the risk the boys had seen in the arena and they were experiencing the aftermath of it. A third party could take advantage of their bond and twist it to hurt both. “I really want to be your Parabatai. As long as you want that, too.” Alec felt his throat tightening; he nearly had to press out the last bit. Again, he felt Jace’s lips pressed against his. “Of course I want, if I’ll ever make it out” Jace breathed, before kissing him, for real this time. All spoken and unspoken emotions purred into this kiss, leaving both breathless and panting, but calmer than in a while, however the “if – not when” hung still in the air

“I’ve seen your brother,” Alec told Jace, not really knowing why but it seemed important. “Jonathan.” A sad smile appeared on Jace’s face, a smile which was reserved for his brother only. Alec wandered if there was a smile which was only for him. Before he could follow this spiral downwards, he continued. “He told me, no, he ordered me to fix you.” Jace chuckled, his composure relaxing a bit more. “He was always good at giving commands. But what did he mean, why does he think I need fixing?” “I think he saw you in the arena. The look on your face, Jace, when they pulled me away… it looked as if you were gone for good.” Jace shivered slightly, the memory of the cold and emptiness was still fresh on his mind. He had felt gone, as if nothing was left of him, but there was, he had to remind himself of it. His smile deepened. “So he is still looking out for me. Maybe he is not as lost as I thought. Maybe there is still enough left to be saved. I need to try, at least. He has just two more months to go until he is 18, a little less even. He can make it.” 

Alec’s head snapped up at this. His hands clenched into fists, he knew what Jace was implying, the “if” still rang loudly in his ears. Jace had never doubted that he would make it out alive, until now. Alec gritted his teeth. They looked at each other helplessly, both terrified of what Jace was thinking and about to say. When Jace stayed silent, Alec spoke up, his voice toneless and cold. “You will let Jonathan kill you if it comes down to that, won’t you? You will not even try to win if you have to fight him. So why even pretend that you love me? Why even pretend that I matter to you? Maybe you were right and I shouldn’t be here, it seems you have no intention to come back to me.” Alec had stood up, looking furiously at the blond. He really had tried to keep his calm but enough was enough. Jace tilted his head, looking stunned at Alec. “Of course you matter, Alec. How can you not see that? I cannot kill him because of you! You fucking changed me. And how can I pretend to be worthy to become your Parabatai when I have to kill my brother for it. My brother Alec! How can I share my soul with you when nothing would be left to share? You couldn’t kill an unknown gladiator and you ask me now to kill Jonathan? I can’t Alec, I just can’t. Don’t make me.” The last words were spoken in a whisper and Alec felt a rush of guilt pulsing through his body. There was no use in denying that he truly had become someone else in a couple of weeks. Jace was right. Who was he to demand something like that? From someone he was supposed to love and protect? He closed his eyes in defeat and kneeled in front of the blond. Sometimes it was more important to protect someone’s heart and inner essence than body or even life. “I’m sorry, Jace. I won’t. You are right. This cannot be the solution. But it is also not a solution that you let him kill you. As you said, you’re brothers. And if there is something left to save it surely would be gone after he killed you.”   
“So what then?”   
“I’ll come for you before the fight will happen. I’ll break you out of here and if this is the last thing I’ll ever do.” Jace knew that it was settled, the determination was clearly written all over Alec’s face. He tried nevertheless. “You don’t have to… you shouldn’t...” “Jace” Alec sounded desperate. “Shut up. I love you and I will not leave you behind. So just shut the fuck up and help me make a plan.” He nudged the blond not so tenderly with his foot. 

“Don’t nudge me. Since when are you so bossy?” Jace scoffed, but a mischievous gleam had settled in his eyes. Alec nudged him again. “I nudge you as often as I want. I was raised to be the next leader of an entire Institute, of course I’m bossy, I know how to handle people.”   
“I bet you never handled a Morgenstern” Jace said with a husky voice, the gleam glowing brighter. “And if you nudge me again…” Of course Alec did it again, just to find himself laying on the back a second later, the blond on top of him, straddling his legs and pinning his hands above his head. Jace’s runes were glowing, strength, agility, stamina. Alec gulped.   
“Don’t. Nudge. Me.” Every word was underlined with a harsh kiss, before Jace settled on sucking and biting Alec’s pulse point. The raven’s breath caught, his eyes fluttered shut, desire and lust taking over. “Fuck, Jace…” he was silenced by a kiss, before Jace continued with his handy work and sucked another mark in the delicate skin, grinding down his hips at the same time, pressing their already half hard cocks together. Alec squirmed underneath him, but against Jace’s enhanced strength he had no chance to get away or break free, not that he really wanted to anyway. He looked up and Jace’s gaze met his, in this moment it truly were just the two of them, just two teenaged boys in love. “Kiss me,” Alec demanded.   
“Still so bossy” Jace purred with a smile, a smile Alec could still taste while his mouth was claimed by the blond in a very possessive and incredibly hot way. Jace’s hips kept circling and grinding, Alec was not sure how long he would last if he kept going like this. Apparently neither was Jace, Alec felt the now fully hard cock pressed against his, but the blond had stilled his movements. “Fuck Alec, you are so beautiful laying pinned down beneath me like this. The things I want to do with you…” he breathed heavy, his eyes glowed golden with desire. “Then do them. Don’t tease me, please” Alec’s voice was dark with lust. This was all the encouragement Jace needed, within seconds he had Alec stripped of his clothes and his own followed suit. While Jace kissed his way down and he gently turned Alec on his belly to claim what was his, their world crumbled until their moans and grunts were the only thing they could hear, the naked skin of the other the only thing they felt and their love the only thing that mattered. 

Until reality mattered again. They lay entangled, their sweaty bodies pressed against each other, both not caring about the mess they had made. Alec still panted slightly when he started to speak. “Interesting strategy, but we might have to work a bit on it.” Jace sighed, a small smile playing around his lips. “Straight back to business, uh?” But of course Alec was right, they had just this one night before they had to part and as much as Jace longed for staying in their little bubble, as much he knew that this was not a possibility. “So you are really sure about this?” When Alec nodded, slightly annoyed, Jace continued. “There is no way you can pull this off alone. You need allies. I’ve heard some talking, it might be that the Clave wants to include the Downworld into our little fighting games. Which would be the biggest mistake ever, but Aldertree is power-hungry and overestimates his abilities. I’ve already spread the word here, it might be an angle to convince some to work with you. But this won’t be enough. You need to find my father.”  
“Why has he never tried to come for you?”  
“The truth is, the Circle has not been very powerful lately, at least not 2 years ago. And well, my father is… he puts the matter first. He would not risk the entire mission to rescue us, if he is not sure he succeeds. This place is heavily guarded, by Shadowhunters, Warlocks, all kinds of magic. There is no way for the Circle to get to us, unless the Downworld unites with us. And so far, the Downworld had never been interested. But this might change now.” It sounded so easy, but both boys knew it was anything but. First of all, Jace had no real idea where his father and the Circle were hiding currently. When he had last seen his father, Valentine and his sons had switched places weekly. But Jace gave Alec all touch points, safe houses and other meeting points he could remember, maybe something was still actively used – or at least watched. Alec would try to use Izzy’s Downworld connections to see if anyone was likely to help. Well, and then the small part remained to convince Valentine that it would help the Circle to rescue Jace and Jonathan in time before they had to fight against each other, because both boys were sure the fight was going to happen sooner or later. So all in all, what could go wrong? 

Even though both boys were tired, they were reluctant to sleep, wanting to savor every last minute of the precious time they had, not knowing when they would meet again. They laid entwined, seeking as much physical contact as possible. Alec wanted to remember every single trace of Jace’s body, his looks, his taste, his smell. He felt Jace beside him getting heavier, his breath slowing down and just when he thought the blond had fallen asleep, Jace shifted a bit to look at him. He bit his lips, opening his mouth and closing it again. He took a deep breath before he finally spoke. “I’ll tell you something I shouldn’t tell you. If you find my father you cannot let him know that I talked to you about it. But I want you to understand why my brother is like he is. Why it is not his fault and despite everything he has done he needs saving. When we were born, my father had already made his plans to overpower the Clave. He wanted to make us stronger, better warriors and fighters. He always admired the powers Downworlders had, the magic of the Warlocks, the power of werewolves, the speed of vampires. And their powers are all of demonic origin. So he experimented with demons, their venom and blood. He discovered a way to infuse Jonathan with it. He is something between half demon and Shadowhunter now. He is the best fighter I’ve ever seen, fearless, skilled, deadly. But the demon blood had side effects. Jonathan lacks basic human skills like empathy or sympathy. I’ve told you about it. With my help he was able to learn some of these things. I’ve taught him to decipher body language or that other people have a way lower pain tolerance than him. But it is not easy for him. But this doesn’t mean he is evil. He hasn’t asked to be a half demon. Whenever he is mad or angry, his eyes go pitch black, like the demon inside of him wants to take over, but so far he has always come back from it. Even here. He looks so soulless here, but still he didn’t snap completely, I just have to believe it. And that he asked about me… And that he noticed. It has to mean that he is still in that body, somewhere.” Alec swallowed dry. It shocked him how someone could be so cold blooded to experiment with demon blood on his own child. It showed how dangerous Valentine was, but yet he was their best hope they had, hope for themselves but also for the entire Shadow World. Ironic, wasn’t it. “Father noticed the side effects of the demon blood, that’s why he gave me pure angel blood. The demon and the angel, he always called us. We were a strange paring.”   
“What are his special gifts? I mean you can activate runes without a Stele and heal other people, what can he do? Except being a stronger fighter and everything.”  
Jace was silent for a long while. “Jonathan can control demons, at least to a certain extend. The minor ones. But it is too dangerous. Whenever he tried it, it took me weeks to bring him back to his old self. He gets too lost in the darkness, it is not worth the risk. After the last try where he nearly killed me while transforming into one, he never tried again. But under no circumstances you can tell Valentine that!” Alec looked surprised.   
“He doesn’t know?”   
“No, we never told him. He is sometimes unpredictable. Maybe he would force Jonathan to use it, maybe he wouldn’t. I don’t know and it is not worth the risk.”   
Alec nodded. “But you told me.” He couldn’t help the smile forming on his lips, transforming his whole face. “Yes. Because I trust you in a way I was never able to trust him. He is my father, he loves me, but he is also Valentine, leader of the resistance. And you are you.” Jace smiled back at Alec before they lost themselves in a passionate kiss. 

Despite their determination, they had fallen asleep and a loud knock woke them up. “Time is up, lover boys. Your fight starts in ten, blondie.” Jace mind went blank for a moment, he had completely forgotten that today he had to fight again. He was in no way prepared, not prepared to face the arena and the crowd again and for sure not prepared to say goodbye to Alec. Before he could panic he felt Alec’s strong arms around him, his lips close to his ears. Alec sucked lightly on his earlobe before he whispered to him soothing words of reassurance, that Jace got this and that he would make it. “I’ll come for you, Jace, just hold on till then. I promise.” Jace felt his pulse slowing down, he nodded. He got this. Alec would come for him. He would make it. He nearly had convinced himself before the guard entered and grabbed his arm. A last, chased kiss was exchanged before Jace was dragged away through the catacombs towards the portal which would lead him to the pits, to face his fate in the next fight. And the next. And the one after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, this chapter got a bit out of hand, originally I planned it way shorter, but here we are now. I hope it is not too boring, but as I was accused of being a bit mean to the boys, especially Jace in the last chapter, (as if I could ever be mean 😉) I thought they deserved a bit fluff-time. Thanks to everyone who follows me through the story and left comments and kudos, it really means so much to me 💗


	6. The tone of freedom

Returning to the Institute was not easy for Alec. He tried to ignore the looks, stares and whispers as best as he could, but he knew they were there. Most people didn’t possess the strength to approach him directly and question him about his time, a circumstance he was glad for. He had no desire to discuss anything with anybody, Izzy being an exception to the rule. But even with her it felt strange to speak. It seemed that everyone had stayed the same and he simply had changed. He tried to get engaged in the daily missions again, he knew he had to held up a façade, suspecting the Clave to have spies everywhere and he needed to appear refined and still in line with the Clave. He had no desire to be thrown back into hell, as much as he wanted to see Jace again. But he had a task to complete, a task which didn’t went great, to put it mildly. 

The Downworlders didn’t trust him and he couldn’t blame them. He had always dreamed of establishing a closer bond between the Downworld and the Shadowhunters, but he had not the easygoing nature of Izzy, in presence of unknown people he felt often awkward and inhibited, therefore his attempts had been more theoretically than practically. He also didn’t want to drag Izzy too much into his mess, so he didn’t involve her in his plans. He went way out of his comfort zone to talk to Downworlders, but for the time being, he had not come far.

Finding Valentine was as much of a struggle. First he tried to find the places Jace had told him about, for now he could only visit the spots in New York as he had yet to find a warlock who would portal him to the other places. So far, the places appeared to be abandoned but he would revisit them again. Thankfully he had a werewolf acquaintance in the police department who would give him the footage of the surroundings, pretending he needed it for an ongoing investigation for the Clave about demonic activity. Maybe he would find a lead there. 

The more days passed without Alec achieving anything substantial, the more desperate and broody Alec got. He was aware of the stares Izzy gave him, but he couldn’t help it. The relationship, if you could still call it that way, with his parents was strained and cold. But it hadn’t been the warmest at their best of times, so it didn’t matter that much to him. 

Alec had bribed a guard to let him know the dates of the days Jace had his fights, so that he could watch. He despised seeing Jace in the arena, but he needed to see it anyway. Jace was not fully back to his old self, Alec could nearly feel Jace’s reluctance to kill through the screen, thankfully he seemed to be the only one. The crowd still loved him, probably more than ever. Jace copied Alec’s gesture, kissing his index and middle finger and pressing it to his heart, every time when he entered the stage, the simple pose leading reliably the crowd to go mad, screaming Jace’s and his own name. When he first heard the “Jalec” screams of the mop, he had to turn to Izzy for an explanation. She just rolled her eyes in her best Lightwood manner. “It’s your ship name, big brother. Jace and Alec combined to Jalec. You definitely need to watch more TV when you’re not familiar with the concept.” Alec just stared at her. What the hell? A ship name? 

Jace’s fighting style had become riskier, giving his opponents more chances to attack and even injure him. Alec hated it. He wanted nothing more than to jump right in and punch the perpetrators – or Jace for that matter. What was he thinking? Unfortunately, Alec knew too well what Jace was thinking. He wanted to make sure that the others survived and it worked, Alec had to admit it. But he didn’t like the risks Jace took to ensure it one bit. 

He was watching another fight when he felt his sister approach. He stared gloomily at the screen, a scowl on his face, his hands clenched into fists. He hated to watch Jace fight for his life, what he hated even more was that he could not see him afterwards.   
“Why do you do this to yourself, Alec? You don’t have to watch it.”  
Alec’s gaze flickered shortly to his sister before he concentrated on the screen again. How could she not get that?  
“Yes, I have to. He has to fight these battles, the least thing I can do is watch!” He sounded angry, angrier than he wanted to. He felt Izzy flinch away a little. He didn’t want to drive her away, but maybe it was for the better. Saver, anyway.   
“You’ve changed big brother”.  
“How could I’ve not? Of course I fucking changed. How can you expect me to go to hell and back and be the same fucking person?” He nearly screamed at her, all frustration about his unsuccessful mission, the fear for Jace and the anger towards him for being reckless coming to the surface. Izzy didn’t deserve his outburst, but he couldn’t help himself.  
“Then fucking talk to me about it. Don’t shut me out! I’m right here but you rather pretend that you are alone.” Izzy was furious too now.   
“That’s cause I am alone”, Alec snapped back and with one last glance to the screen where he saw the up-votes winning over the down ones he left the room, slamming the door shut behind him. How could you describe the indescribable horrors he had survived to someone who had not been there?

***

Alec stepped through the portal, a seraph blade glowing in his hand. He knew he had to find and kill the gladiator waiting for him. He was ready. He easily spotted the redhead in front of him, not far away. He was facing away, not turning to him, the hand with his sword hanging down his side. He didn’t move. Why was he not moving? Why didn’t he turn around? These questions were bouncing in Alec’s head while he approached the figure. All he knew is that he had to kill him, then he would be free. The gladiator was dressed in the usual red fighting gear, the color clashing with his hear. He still didn’t move. Alec was right behind him now, rising his blade to step the boy through his back when at the last moment, before the blade could enter his body, the figure turned. Alec’s sword slid effortlessly into his chest. Alec’s eyes widened in horror when red turned into blond and the pitch black eyes were replaced by gold and blue. Blood was drooling out of Jace’s mouth. “You killed me Alec. You killed me and my brother.” 

Alec woke with the scream of Jace’s name still on his lips. His heart paced at an unhealthy speed, he was covered in sweat while shivering at the same time. Suddenly he felt two lean arms closing around him, the familiar scent of Izzy’s perfume tingling his nose. “Hush Alec, I’ve got you. It’s just a dream, just a bad dream.” Alec smiled despite himself, recognizing the words he had spoken so often to Izzy when she had been younger. He let her rock him like he had done so many times before, taking in her soothing words and comfort. 

“I’m sorry Izzy”, he managed to choke out.   
“Don’t be, Alec. You’ve been through a lot. But remember, two in – two out. We’re in this together. You need to talk to me. This is eating you alive. When you cannot tell me the rest, tell me about your Jace. How you ended up with one of the evil brothers.” At that Alec smiled, he nearly had forgotten about the name the Clave had given Jonathan and Jace. There was nothing evil about Jace, nothing at all.

He turned around to look at her, to look at her brown eyes which were just a shade darker than his own. Deep down he knew she was right. He needed to talk to someone, he needed to talk to his sister. Because this was what siblings were for. And so he tried to put words to the unspeakable, describing the hell he had survived and the heaven he had found there. After a small pause, he filled her in about his plans of finding Valentine, joining the Circle, throwing the Clave over and most importantly, rescuing Jace. 

Izzy bit her bottom lip, holding back the tears she wanted to shed for her brother’s sake. She didn’t have to decide what to do, as it was crystal clear to her. “I might help with getting in touch with the right Downworlders. The rumors are already there that the Clave wants to rule over the Downworld as they rule over us. So far it is just hearsay, but if we strengthen the rumors a bit and spread it further… and I always had the impression that some of my friends at least sympathize with the Circle. I will ask Meliorn about it, he is a Seelie so he can’t lie – if I ask the right questions, we might get a lead. And Alec, don’t forget that you have power now, too. The masses love you and your love story. You could become the face of the resistance, together with Jace or….” To her credit, she stopped herself there and blushed.  
“Together with Jace as the lovers who survived or on my own, revenging the love of my life.” Alec finished her sentence dryly.   
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to…”  
He squeezed her arm gently. “It’s alright. And thank you for giving me the idea. Once I have found Valentine I need to convince him to come out of hiding and help me rescue Jace. That could do the trick. But are you sure Izzy? There might be no coming back once we are going down that road.” Izzy nodded firmly.   
“I know. But when they took you, all I could think of was getting revenge and how sick this all is. Our parents were right to join the Circle, they were wrong to leave it. We will make up for it. I’m more than ready to do this.” Alec nodded, realizing how relieved he was that he had someone to talk to again, someone to prepare for battle with. Even if he was afraid that something could happen to her, but they were Shadowhunters. Something bad was always lurking just behind the next corner. 

As promised, Izzy put out a feeler. Meliorn was not as cooperative as Izzy had hoped, but at least she got a few names of warlocks who seemed in their corner. One of the names she was provided with was the name of the female warlock Jace had spoken to during Alec’s last fight and she agreed to a meeting. The female warlock, Margarita, came not alone, but with a very powerful warlock as back-up, Magnus Bane. Alec had heard about him, but never met him in person. He had a huge influence, not only among warlocks but among the whole Downworld. If they could convince him, it could be the breakthrough they needed. 

Alec could see that Margarita was fighting with herself if she should trust him and Izzy. Magnus on the contrary stayed unmoved, his gaze gave nothing away. It made Alec uncomfortable, he had never been good with words, especially with strangers. He was glad Izzy was with him. “And what proof do we have that the Clave really wants to meddle with our business? That our kids are in real danger? So far it is only your word and I don’t know why we should trust you. Getting involved with Shadowhunters was always more trouble than it was worth.” Magnus voice was cutting.

Alec shifted his eyes to him, licking his dry lips to find the right words. “You have no reason to trust me. You have to take my word for it. Maybe we are wrong and nothing happens to your kind or your children. But what if we are right and next time you see a little warlock in the pits fighting for his life? Could you live with that?” There was a long silence.  
“Sometimes the evil you know is better than the evil you don’t. Can you promise me that Valentine is the person you want him to be?”   
Alec closed his eyes for a moment. How could he promise something like that, he had never met Valentine in person. Moreover, the things he had heard from Jace didn’t paint a too glorious picture. So he went for honesty, again. He had the feeling the other could tell if he lied. “No, I can’t. I’ve never met him actually. But his ideas are right. And sometime he will attack the Clave. Him being a wild card makes it even more important that not only he is there when he overthrows Aldertree. When you would be there with him you could make sure that he will not turn out to be the greater evil towards the Downworld. You could work with him together to establish a real peace. A real alliance, not just living and let live. This is the chance, our chance to write history.” 

Magnus stared at him intently, considering what he just had heard. “Well, at least you are honest, a rare trait in a Shadowhunter. We will think about what you have said.” At that, Alec relaxed a little. At least it was not a straight no. He had the feeling that the female warlock was already convinced, having worked in the pit and witnessing the Clave’s acting first hand might have helped. He just hoped Magnus would play along. 

***  
Jace was sitting in his cell, trying to occupy his mind and prevent him from going crazy. He hadn’t realized how much he had depended lately on Alec till the boy was gone. He felt torn apart, as if one part of himself was missing. At the beginning of their relationship it had been him who had provided the strength, but somewhere along the road their roles had been reversed. Just the thought of being able to return to Alec from a fight or from a night with one of his many suitors had given him the strength to carry on and face his destiny with his head held high. The lack of Alec’s soothing and reassuring presence showed him how alone he truly was. Having something and being ripped of it was definitely worse than not having it at all in the first place. In his darkest hours he wondered if he would make the same choice again, the choice to let someone else carry your heart and soul in their hands, not knowing if you get them back in one piece or torn apart. He trusted Alec that he would do his best and raise hell to come for him, but sometimes doing your best was simply not good enough. They were not in a bloody fairy tale after all where the happily ever after was a given. 

Despite his dark thoughts, he tried to hold up his end of the bargain. He trained, he ate and made sure in every way possible that he stayed alive. In the arena he was trying his best to perform, the other opponents not pausing a real thread to him. But he felt a reluctance to kill which was higher than ever before. He had always loathed the killing, but now he dreaded it, always having the feeling of Alec’s shaking body pressed against his in mind and the muffled sobs of his lover in his ears. But he did it anyway. He killed again, trying to live up to his promise, hoping Alec would keep his. Each time he stepped through the portal and pressed his two fingers against his lips and against his heart he reminded himself that there was something, someone, waiting for him and worth living for. And that, after all, he would make the same choice again.

***

Alec was watching one of Jace’s fight, together with other Shadowhunters from the Institute. He preferred watching it alone but he didn’t really have a choice. When Jace stepped through the portal and made his now famous salute, he couldn’t help but press his fingers against his heart in return, acknowledging the gesture. He always thought that Jace was looking straight at him when he did this, seeking the camera to let him know he was still fighting for him, for them. Alec just hoped he would not let Jace down in their joint fight. 

When the other gladiator showed up Alec held his breath and he could see a similar reaction on the screen. The other gladiator was Jonathan. He looked feral in his red fighting gear, his red hair shining bright in the sun and his eyes black as the night before dawn. Finally, the two Morgenstern brothers were reunited. Surely this was not a coincidence, it could only mean that the fight of the brothers drew nearer. The two brothers just looked at each other, Jace’s eyes turning bright and glowing golden, while Jonathan’s eyes switched from black to piercing blue, a small smile playing around his lips. He said something Alec couldn’t decipher clearly but he thought it was something like little brother. 

The gong ran and the fight began. It was mesmerizing to watch the two unequal brothers fight. They had to fight against 6 other kids, some of them really good fighters, but they stood no chance. The two siblings fought back against back, despite the long time apart it seemed they knew every move the other would make. They fought like they were one, brutal strength and mercilessness combined with angelic grace and power. There was no doubt who would win this fight, even if the others had the superior numbers. When the last kid fell to the ground, knocked down by Jonathan, Alec realized his eyes had gone dark again, an empty expression in his face as if he was anywhere but in the arena. Jace moved towards him but stilled when the other said something to him, something the cameras hadn’t caught and could not be heard. A frown and desperate look appeared on Jace’s face. What had Jonathan said to him? 

But the boys were given no time to recover, the votes had already started and the final gong rang through the arena. 5 kids survived, but one girl was sentenced to death. She was an unimpressive, really young kid, not older than 12 or maybe 13. She was shaking with fear, sobbing and crying. A guard handed Jace a sword. Alec closed his eyes in despair but forced them open again to be able to watch. He needed to see this, to be there for Jace even if it was just in front of a damned screen, nevertheless he hoped Jace could feel him somehow. He knew that this was the worst for Jace. He saw the blond’s knuckles turn white on the hand which hold the sword, he saw his eyes switching from gold to hollow. But before Jace could step towards the sobbing girl and do what he was forced to do, Jonathan jumped behind the girl and snapped her neck with one effortless movement. The loud crack sounded throughout the arena and Jonathan smiled the devilish grin he had reserved for these killing moments before he threw the tiny, lifeless body to the ground. The crowd roared in excitement and Alec heard the mutters of his fellow Shadowhunters what sick bastard Jonathan was. But Alec couldn’t agree. Maybe you had to experience the arena first hand, probably you had to know and care about Jace and be able to read his body language and face expression to see that this killing had not been cruel, but had been an act of mercy. Jonathan had spared Jace, he had killed a little girl with his bare hands so that Jace didn’t have to. He was indeed still looking out for his little brother. And Alec was beyond grateful for that. The real sick people where the ones who voted against an innocent girl.

***

The more days passed, the more agitated Alec got. He was not one step closer to find a way to contact the Circle and he had not yet heard back from Magnus. The footage of his police acquaintance was useless, the spots were not used actively by the Circle. Alec was getting desperate. Above all, demonic activity was rising and he had to do more missions for the Institute. He had to keep up the appearance of being a faithful follower after all. After an exceptional tiring demon hunt, he walked back to the Institute all by himself. He had fought with two other Shadowhunters who wanted to blow off some more steam and headed for a club. Alec disliked clubs at his best of times and hated them the rest of the days, so his decision was easily made and he went home. He was totally caught up in his thoughts, which next move he could make to find the Circle, that he didn’t spot the two men following him. For a Shadowhunter this was unacceptable, one should always be alert. If Alec had had time to be embarrassed he surely would have been, but so he was too busy trying to understand what had happened when he found himself lying on the ground, hit by an immobilizing spell. A hood was pulled over his face before a punch hit him on his temple, causing his world to go dark and his mind to slip into unconsciousness.

He woke with a start by a splash of cold water. He coughed; water had dripped in his mouth and nose. He was disorientated, he had no idea where he was and with whom. The realization hit him that he had been taken, kidnapped like a little child. His heart sunk, he surly must be in a Clave facility, somehow they must have discovered his plans. He sat on a chair, his hands bound in the back and his angles attached to the legs of the chair. He couldn’t move an inch. At least the cold water had washed away the dizziness in his head. It was dark in the room, he could see two men standing in front of him, guarding a door. One of them held the empty bucket.   
“Who are you?” Alec spat, but was met with silence. Suddenly the door flew open and a stocky bold man with gleaming brown eyes appeared. He took a chair, turned it and sat down in front of Alec. Alec could see a faint resemblance to Jace and Jonathan – so finally he had been able to find the Circle and Valentine, even though he had always expected the circumstances to be a bit different. Less bound and captivated for a start. 

“I’ve heard you were looking for us.” Valentine began without preamble. Alec nodded, trying to regain his composure. This was his chance to convince Valentine and become his ally. “Why should I listen to a traitor, Lightwood?” Alec knew that Valentine was not referring to his parents being traitors to the Clave but to the Circle. 

“I’m not my parents. I’ve paid their price in the arenas, I have no inclination of doing more for them. And I think we can help each other. We have a joint interest.” Alec stared at the man in front of him. The man radiated power, even if he was not tall he was an impressive figure. He was a man who was used to people listen to him, follow his orders. Alec realized that with him he had no chance if he appeared uncertain or insecure. For Valentine, strength mattered. Alec straightened up as much as his vessels allowed him and locked eyes with the man in front of him. Unlike during his meeting with Magnus, he decided to lie or exaggerate things a little at least. 

“I have connections to the Downworld, they will join us when we try to take down the Clave and Aldertree. Together with the Circle we have enough power to make a change happen. And, above all, you would have me. And your son, Jace. The masses are intrigued by us, we could be the face of the Circle and the resistance, we could inspire the crowd to follow you. I’m sure you’ve realized that it is not enough to just overpower the old system, you have to establish a new one and for that you need the support of the common people. Jace and I could help with that. But we have to rescue him first. In three weeks he has to fight against your other son, Jonathan. We have to get to him before that.”

A wicked smile played around Valentine’s lips. He stared at Alec, trying to intimate the younger man but Alec didn’t waver. He hold his gaze steady. “Who is your contact to the Downworld?”  
“Magnus Bane. He is convinced and will rally the Downworld if the Circle decides to strike.”  
Valentine nodded slowly, he seemed impressed. Alec just hoped that Magnus would really decide in his favor, otherwise he would be screwed. Alec could see that the man in front of him was thinking hard, playing with the possibilities Alec had laid down in front of him.  
“I’ve seen your little show with my son. So you want to save him. But what about my other son, Jonathan? Can he be saved too?”  
“Jace thinks so. I have met him only once but I agree.”  
Valentine fell silent again, considering the different options.   
“You are right with the masses. We have to catch them and turn them towards us. And as they love a good show – and if the warlock really helps – I suggest we take the opportunity and rescue my sons right during screen time, while they are supposed to kill each other. I assume you have contacts to find out when the exact day of the fight is?” When Alec nodded, Valentine continued. “You have to be there of course and play a leading role, they have to see you and Jace together. And about Jonathan… Jonathan has always been special. What about if he becomes a liability? What if you and Jace are wrong and he is too far gone and beyond saving?”  
Alec hold his breath but only for a second. He looked Valentine in the eye and without skipping a beat he answered in a very calm tone he himself was astonished to manage.  
“It’s a fight. People get injured. People die from injuries.” He couldn’t really believe the things he said, the things he seemed capable of. He knew how much Jonathan meant to Jace, but Jace was more important. He would do anything, absolutely anything to save Jace, including sacrificing his morals. 

“You’re ruthless.” Valentine looked at Alec with a cocked eyebrow.  
“So are you.” Alec didn’t squirm or back off, he stared right back at the man in front of him.  
“This was not meant as an insult but as a compliment. Nice people don’t win wars, my boy. People like us do. Come on Lightwood, let’s save my son.”   
Alec hoped he had only overheard the plural s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... how do you like new, ruthless Alec? Let me know what you think :-)


	7. The touch of hope

To Alec’s utmost relieve they had succeeded in convincing Magnus. When he returned to the Institute from his meeting with Valentine, Izzy was already waiting for him with the good news. They met on the rooftop, a place without surveillance and hidden from all curious eyes and ears. The siblings stood next to each other, their shoulders brushing slightly while taking in the view of New York.   
“So we are actually doing this” Izzy said. “We will stand up and fight.”   
“Yes little sister. We will. It’s time to get up off our knees and show them what Lightwoods are capable of.” She was grateful that he didn’t mention again the possibility for her to stay behind, because there was none. She would go down with this ship, one way or the other. 

The next days, they sat several things in motion. Alec talked again to the guard he had bribed before; the fight had indeed been scheduled in three weeks, two days before Jonathan’s 18th birthday. Alec fought with himself if he could risk it to notify Jace about their plans, but he decided against it. They had this one chance and he didn’t dare to jeopardize it because the guard was too loyal to the Clave out of a sudden or something else. Wanting to know the date wouldn’t draw suspicion, passing on a message certainly would. He hated the idea that Jace would think he had failed or not tried at all, he knew that Jace would be waiting for him to make a move. He couldn’t begin to imagine what Jace might feel when the day of his fight was due and he was still trapped there. But warning him was too risky, all Alec could do was hope that Jace would not lose faith. 

They had set up a meeting between Valentine and Magnus, a meeting which went astonishingly well. Valentine had already a manifest where he had outlined his approach of a new justice and governmental system, he was planning this for years after all. To everyone’s surprise Magnus agreed to most of the points, just refined small things and added new chapters about an alliance between the two worlds. Magnus was not an official leader of the Downworld, but unofficially he was. If he agreed to Valentine’s plans, others would follow his example. The most important task for Magnus for now was to find enough reliable warlocks, who would help them to overpower the protective wards the arenas were surrounded with and creating portals to the pits. The fact that Margarita was on board was helping a lot, as she knew the layout of everything, all the measures the Clave had taken to protect the arenas. And she would be already inside when the fight started, so she would weaken the wards from within, while the others penetrated them from the outside. The wards were strong but with a joint effort not impenetrable, especially because Magnus was one of the most powerful living warlocks, probably the most powerful in the western hemisphere. 

In addition to the warlocks, Magnus rallied other Downworlders, werewolves and vampires who agreed to fight together. To no one’s surprise, the Seelies preferred to mind their own business and not get engaged. As the fight was going to happen during the day the vampires could only assume an administrative role and coordinate the attack from a safe house, the real fighting would be left to werewolves, warlocks and the Shadowhunters from the Circle. 

Valentine contacted all of his members. Most were in hiding together with him, but there were others who lived among the Clave and just waited to hear from their leader, to return to their true designation. All heard the calling, most showed up. All in all, they had a quite decent army, not as large as it could be, but combined with the element of surprise it should be enough. Their first strike would be to rescue Jonathan and Jace during their fight, while the whole Shadow World was watching, hoping this would shake the masses awake and bring them more followers. Magnus and Valentine had already planned the second and hopefully last strike, but they didn’t bother to fill Alec in. He was needed for the rescue, to put a face to the Circle, but nothing more. Alec let it go, his main goal was Jace, so he was fine with the rest. 

Alec and Izzy prepared to leave the institute the day before the battle, never to return. They had debated if they should try to involve other Shadowhunters, but frankly they trusted none of them enough to speak about their plans. That their parents were off-limits was a sad fact they didn’t even have to discuss. Over the next couple of days they gathered as much weapons as they could without anybody noticing. It was a strange feeling when they walked through the Institute doors for the last time, pretending to head for a mission. Next to the weapons, they had only a small duffle bag with their most precious belongings with them. With one last glance back the siblings said goodbye to their past before heading towards their unknown future. 

***

Jace paced up and down in his cell, he felt restless. It was a few days before the day of the fight, the day he was supposed to die. And still, no word or sign from Alec. The guards looked at him with pity in their eyes, but none of them mentioned anything to him and none of them let him see his brother, to whom he wanted to talk to so badly. But whatever he promised or offered, it was not enough to gain him access to Jonathan’s cell. After their last fight in the arena he had not seen him again, the invisible wall between the brothers had been put up again. 

Even if it was a strange thing to realize, but the fact that he had not been assigned to fights anymore stressed Jace. He assumed it was to guarantee the last final battle between the brothers, but it oddly messed with his inner routine. The days stretched out long before him and he tried his best to keep his mind and body occupied. He trained harder than ever before, even if he didn’t have to – he was not going to fight. He still hoped Alec would keep his promise, but his hope faded away together with the remaining days.

What not faded was his will to show the Clave where they could shove their law. Even if he died in the arenas, he would die with his head held high and to his own conditions. They didn’t own him, no matter what they thought. There was no way that he would let them force him to kill his own brother, nor would he allow his brother to kill him. Alec had been right, this was something neither of them would come back from. Instead, he would kill himself. He would cut his throat in front of the whole damned Shadow World. Suicide was considered a sacrilege, the life the Angels granted you shouldn’t be taken by your own hands. But twisting the law like the Clave did was an even greater sacrilege in Jace’s mind, so the blond was sure the Angels understood – if they cared at all, that was. He was just not sure if he should do it right after he had stepped through the portal or later. But improvising had always been his strong suit.

After he had decided what he was going to do, he felt a lot calmer. Deep down he knew that Alec had done everything in his power to come for him, apparently it had not been enough. But he didn’t blame Alec. He tried to remember every happy moment they had shared and to hold on to the feeling of love, instead of spiraling down the tempting road of rage and hate. These feelings were reserved for his last day in the arena and his last day on earth. Jace was ready for the final act of disobedience and defiance. 

The day of the fight was gloomy, dark grey clouds chasing each other on the overcast sky. When Jace woke up that morning, he felt strangely composed. It was hard to imagine that this was really his last day, the day he was going to die. But he wandered what came after, if there was an after at all. His thoughts shifted to Jonathan and what he had said to him in the arena. “If we go down, we will go down together.” Jace was sure that Jonathan had the same plan than he did, the cryptic words hint enough for him. 

The bang on his door interrupted his thoughts, announcing his fight was about to start. Instead of his usual red fighting gear Jace had been given spotless white clothes. Well, at least for now, once he had cut open his throat it would be soaked in red. He followed the guard to the portal, which was already in place. The same female warlock from Alec’s last fight was guarding it, an unreadable expression on her face. She seemed tense. She nodded quickly at Jace, the blond just frowned at her. This was strange. He was handed a seraph blade before he stepped through the portal.

He was greeted by the usual cheering, but this time it sounded not as enthusiastic as the times before. The arena looked dull, it was a medium sized wasteland with dust and a few rocks, nothing more. But to Jace’s utmost surprise the arena was guarded by Clave Shadowhunters, they were forming a large circle. They were all dressed in grey and heavily armed. Jace stood for a moment, stunned at the sight of the men and women. There had never been guards, the arenas were normally only secured by intensive magic. What was this about? Before he could move on his own accord, he felt a painful push in the back. One of the guards had come to guide him into the fighting circle. Suddenly it dawned on Jace, they were here to make sure he and Jonathan didn’t pull anything. He smirked, what he had in mind no one was going to prevent. 

Jace had been the second to arrive, Jonathan was already waiting for him. He wore black vesture with blood red details. He looked dangerous and maniac. When Jace stepped in the circle, Jonathan flashed a grin at him, playing with the two swords he had been given. Jace swallowed dry. This was it. He heard the crowd getting louder when the gong rang. Neither boy moved, they just stood there and locked eyes, the eyes of the Morgenstern brother’s nearly the same shade of blue, except the hint of gold in Jace’s left eye. 

The guards hissed at them, one pushing Jace forward with a spear, the intension clear. Fight or we will make you. Jace stumbled a step forward, but not rising his weapon. For a moment he looked at his brother, a loving smile playing on his lips. “Jonathan”. The redhead grinned at him, he nodded. “Little brother.” Jace turned around to look at the cameras. The whole softness which were in his eyes moments before when he had looked at his brother faded, a deadly, vicious glare replacing it. He kissed his usual two fingers, pressing them to his heart, his last love declaration for Alec. He registered that Jonathan was facing the cameras just as he did, the redhead stood still like a statue, no emotion displayed on his stony-like face. Jace rose his blade to his throat, ready to strike, while mouthing to the camera “You don’t own us.”

Before he was able to perform the final cut, the arena illuminated in a strange greenish light. Several portals suddenly emerged out of thin air and around Jonathan and Jace a red line lit up, the red circle symbol of their father’s brotherhood. Alec. He had come for him. Before his brain could digest the news, Jace’s body had already reacted. He urged forward to the guards, who stood still in shock, realizing too late what was happening. Before the Shadowhunter next to Jace could make a move, Jace’s blade was already buried deep in his chest. Jonathan was next to him, swords slicing through the guards like they were butter, his eyes ink black and his mouth pressed in a snarl. 

Through the portals Circle members, warlocks and werewolves spilled on the battlefield, the dark howls of the wolves mixing with the shrieks and groans of death and destruction. The crowd had gone silent before a mass panic started. So far, the warriors battled each other, but who knew what the next target was? The people tried to rush out, stumbling over each other, pushing other Shadowhunters away and trampling over not so fortunate bodies who had lost their balance and fell to the ground. It was pure chaos. 

The wolves and half of the Circle Shadowhunters tried to fight their way to Jonathan and Jace, the rest attacked the Clave officials which came rushing in the arena to join the fight. Unfortunately, Aldertree was not among them. 

Alec had been one of the first to step through one portal. His bow and quiver were stripped to his back and he shot arrow after arrow in the ring of guards, who were in his way to the only thing which mattered. Jace. His hands were steady, but his pulse raced. Each of his arrows found their target and the guards died like flies. When his last arrow was shot he drew his blade, urging forward right into the middle of the heat. So far, he had not been able to see his blond, the row of guards too thick. But the ring loosened, more and more lay on the ground, bleeding, wounded, dead. Alec registered a wolf beside him tearing the throat of a Shadowhunter open, leaving blood-red strains on the once spotless grey-white fur. 

Finally, his eyes found Jace. He was in the middle of the arena, fighting back to back with his brother. His gear was already soaked in blood and sweat, but from his movements he saw that Jace was not severely wounded, most of the blood was most probably not his own but his opponents’. Alec knew they had not endless time, the warlocks drained themselves to work against the protection spells and magic and holding the portals open at the same time. Besides, reinforcement for the Clave was about to come, he knew how many Shadowhunters were located close by. 

Jace was panting, but he had to admit he enjoyed this fight. Finally, he could fight the right people, finally, he could kill the right people. With his brother at his back he felt secure and he knew they just had to find an opening in the tight circle of guards to push through to one of the portals. He saw the tall figure standing next to a portal and shooting one arrow after the next merciless into the guards. He smiled. His Alec was here. He turned slightly to Jonathan, indicating in which direction they had to go. Alec’s arrows had thinned the line tremendously; this was the opening they needed. He saw that Alec had spotted him and the two boys urged forward towards each other.

Jace grip on his blood sprinkled blade was firm and steady, his eyes searching for the right time to attack to break through the circle of humans still fighting them. He moved fluidly, his body in tune with his brother’s, who followed him like a dark shadow. His blade connected with the sword of the Shadowhunter before him, the unexpectedly hard blow forced him to bend his knee. The next blow Jace was able to hold off, but his blade shattered in his hand into pieces. His attacker smirked at him and rose his sword for the final blow. Instead of giving up, Jace threw the useless hilt in the Shadwohunter’s face and kicked at his kneecap. The small cry of pain died in the throat of the guard when Jonathan’s sword pierced his heart, in his haste to finish off Jace the guard had made the fatal mistake to forget about the other Morgenstern. A mistake he wouldn’t repeat. 

Two Circle Shadowhunters and two werewolves had followed Alec. The two wolves fought like only pack members could. They attacked as one, one wolf going for the throat the other tried to rip apart the limps. Alec sprang over the poor soul the werewolves attacked, the woman lying and drowning in her own blood. Finally – finally – Jace was there. Alec’s heart stopped for a moment when he saw Jace going down, but before he was at the blond’s side Jonathan hat already killed the opponent. A rush of gratefulness towards the redhead flooded his body – together with a hint of guilt, remembering his words he had said to Valentine. 

Jace looked up and for a split second the noises of the fight fell silent, the world stood still when blue and gold locked with hazel brown. Instantly the noises were back and Jace felt himself pulled to his feet again, Jonathan pushing him forwards towards the opening the wolves and Shadowhunters provided. They heard Valentine giving orders, time for a retreat, the warlocks were not able to hold the portals open much longer. 

Even though the ground was covered with dead Clave Shadowhunters, an endless stream of guards flooded the arena. It was really time to go. Jace, Alec and Jonathan and the others ran towards an open portal. To their left and right the fights were still ongoing, but all Circle members retreated slowly but steadily towards the portals. Alec grabbed Jace by the arm and dragged him to the right, just to notice that the others, including Jonathan, fought their way to the left portal. But it was too late to try to catch up, there were already guards between them and so the only way was to go forward. They two boys had reached the portal when a scream of agony pierced the air. Jace turned and saw with horror-struck eyes his brother, falling to the ground in clear pain. Without hesitating he wanted to set off again, towards his brother, but the brutal grip on his arm hindered him. Alec screamed at him to go through the portal, it was too late to go and safe Jonathan. Jace tried to rip himself from Alec, but the raven boy didn’t give in. He would not let Jace slip away to his likely death. Only when Jace saw that his father approached his brother, he stopped his struggle against his lover. Valentine had neither the angelic grace of Jace nor the demonic strength of Jonathan, but he was an intriguing fighter. In seconds he was beside his son and pulled him up and towards a portal. Alec used this to his advantage and pushed Jace through the portal, holding him in a tight grip. Not one second to soon, the portal was closing behind them. 

Each portal let to another safe house, a security measure to ensure the safety of the Circle itself. In case of one portal being corrupted by the Clave, not all were lost. Jace and Alec landed in an apartment, which belonged to Magnus Bane and consisted of several rooms. One was equipped as an infirmary, warlocks specialized in healing already waiting for the wounded to come. The apartment was buzzing with life, werewolves and Shadowhunters alike standing around talking and hugging each other or rushing towards the infirmary. Alec hadn’t let go of Jace’s hand, not in the portal and not now. He never wanted to let go again. He dragged him to a small room at the back of the apartment. He opened the door and closed it after he had pulled the blond after him. As soon as the door was securely locked, he pinned him to the next door and kissed him like he was drowning and Jace his oxygen. The kiss lasted as long as it was bearable, but too soon their lungs screamed for air. Jace pressed his face to Alec’s crook, breathing heavy, when the sound of Alec’s cellphone rang through the air. Without losing contact, his hips still pressed into Jace to keep him where he was, Alec answered. Jace looked up, trying to understand who it was and what was said, but he only understood the few things Alec barked into the phone. “Yes, he is with me. He is safe. No, no major injuries.” While saying this, he stepped back a little, to scan over Jace’s body. Despite the blood-soaked gear, Jace was nearly unharmed except a few cuts and bruises. And so was Alec. Before Jace could say something, Alec ended the call and pressed his body against Jace again. “Your father says hi.” He murmured, kissing Jace’s neck tenderly. “What about Jonathan? Where is he?” Of course he would ask. “He is in the infirmary and is treated by a warlock.” Jace nodded, the answer satisfying him. He leaned his head back against the wall, grabbing Alec’s collar and drawing him in even closer. With a swift move he reversed their position and Alec found himself pinned to the wall. Not that he minded. Jace traced the taller boy’s face with his fingers. “You really came for me, Alec. You really did”, he whispered before he captured Alec’s lips in another passionate kiss. “I told you I’d burn the world for you” Alec whispered back, breathlessly. Jace smiled before he pulled Alec in, claiming his mouth over and over again. Slowly the tension of the fight, of the last days, left his body, only to be replaced by lust and passion and love. “We survived, Alec. We beat them.” Alec laughed, a joyous guttural laugh Jace hoped to hear every day from now on.   
They both knew that they just had won a battle, not a war. Their victory was just a spark in the darkness. But sparks could catch fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay, next chapter is up :-) I've realized, writing battle scenes is a lot like this: In your mind an epic battle like the "battle of the bastards" from GOT is taking place, but then you look at your screen and there it is more like: "He came, he saw, he conquered." ;-) I should write more nice things I guess. Anyways, I hope you liked it so far, if so please leave kudos and comments, I really appreciate it (and if you didn't like it, I'm always open for constructive criticism)


	8. Epilogue

The spark did catch fire. The battle at the arena had slightly shifted the balance of power. The Downworld was shaken awake by its most powerful leader; Magnus Bane, and most Downworlders followed his example and positioned themselves clearly against the Clave or even joint the Circle. 

A lot Shadowhunters were torn between their fear of Aldertree, their obedience towards the Clave, which had ruled them for so long, and their longing for a freer world, a promise of security for their children, fueled by the charismatic Valentine and his just as intriguing son Jace. The same way Jace had learned to play the masses with blood and violence, he learned quickly to inspire loyalty with words. 

Alec was glad that most of the time Jace did the talking, he was just not as good at it as the younger boy. But he was there, a constant presence and a constant reminder to the people what they had been through, what they had overcome for the sake of love. 

Magnus and Valentine worked surprisingly well together. At the beginning, there had been subtle fights for dominance, but in the end they agreed to focus on their joint enemy. In one of the best coordinated battles throughout the history of the Shadow World, the Circle and the Downworld attacked Idris and overpowered the Clave, killing Aldertree and his closest followers in the process. If it was a coincidence that none of the high-ranking Clave officials survived or if it was on purpose no one could tell, except one man, but he made sure to keep the others in the dark. Be it as it may, it was helpful. The lower Clave members and the Shadowhunters still loyal to them were given a choice, pledging their alliance to the Circle or await their trial in the prisons of the Silent City. As the Silent Brothers and the Iron Sisters followed the lead of the Circle, most Shadowhunters chose the alliance to the Circle, choosing the easy way out as they had done their whole life. Traitors like the Lightwoods were sent to Wrangler Island or similar places of exile to guard the wards, Valentine being not a forgiving man. They could consider themselves lucky that they were still alive and not de-runed. 

Valentine stayed true to his word and established a new justice and governmental system. Downworld and Shadowhunters were given equal rights, for the first time in history. Every adult was allowed to vote for a president, who could then form a Cabinet, which needed to be equally staffed with Downworlders and Shadowhunters. The beginning was not easy, from time to time stubborn traditionalists tried to putsch against the new system, but never successfully. Slowly, the new founded democracy grew into its high expectations. 

Not only the start of the new Shadow World was rough, so was the road Alec and Jace had to go down. Their love had been forged by the fire and pressure of blood and tears, death and despair – could their love survive without this pressure or would it crumble and turn into ashes?

The first days and weeks went by in a haze. The feeling of being united again, being able to see and hold and touch the other whenever they wanted was intoxicating. Their time in the arenas had been limited, always overshadowed with what had been and what was to come - now time lay ahead of them in an endless stream of days and nights full of possibilities. They were nearly inseparable, always close, drawn together by their mutual desire of making sure the other was save, was still there. One of the few exceptions were the visits Jace payed Jonathan in the infirmary. The redhead was severely wounded an infected with a demonic poison, but thanks to the efforts of a skilled warlock healer, the Silent Brothers and Jace’s angelic power which he pushed towards his brother whenever he could kept him alive and his wounds were slowly healing. Whenever Alec saw the lifeless body, he felt a pang of guilt rushing through his vanes and wondered if the boy had been injured by not so friendly fire. 

During the first weeks, between getting lost in each other, preparing for the second battle and later doing the promoting tour for the Circle and the visits in the infirmary both boys didn’t have time to think, not about their time in the pits, their time away from each other, the feelings for each other and most of all not about themselves as an individual. 

But as time went by and the Shadow World settled down and got reorganized, Jace and Alec’s life also slid into calmer waters. Jonathan woke up, finally, and it seemed he would be fine. His physical wounds were healed and the damage the two years in hell had left on his soul and heart had to be examined. But he was stable, his eyes of a stormy mid blue and with Jace’s help he got back on track. Izzy had stayed with the three boys in Idris, but when their services were no longer required to promote the Circle and with Jonathan healed, the four of them decided to go back to New York, the only home at least two of them had ever known. The new Head of the Institute was a fierce young woman, Lydia Branwell, to whom the Lightwoods took an immediate liking. The Morgensterns mostly kept to themselves, not used to many people around them and to weary of Jonathan’s mental health state. But given everything the four had gone through, it went quite well, the routine of training and missions giving them a line to hold on to.

However, the more a certain quiet settled in, Jace started thinking again and often he could not stop his mind following down a dark path. He just felt as if he didn’t know himself anymore or maybe hadn’t known himself all along. His whole life had had a set goal, a clear path. Following his father in his footsteps first, surviving later – there had never been much time to think about himself and who he truly was. He knew that his time in the arena had changed him, especially the time with Alec. He had so much blood on his hands, sometimes he didn’t know if his hands would be ever clean again. He felt used and worn-out by the countless men he had been forced to be with, who had touched him, abused him, fucked him. He felt weak for his self-loathing, he knew how much his father hated weak and whiny persons. He didn’t give in to his thoughts, on the outside he was still the same fierce fighter who jumped right into a demon nest without seconds thoughts, but on the inside he felt torn apart. When he woke up from one of his countless nightmares – wasn’t it ironic that he had never had trouble to sleep when his life had been in constant danger, but now being save they had started – and Alec’s strong arms closed around him, keeping him guarded, he doubted if he was still the boy Alec had fallen in love with. He doubted that he was the boy someone like Alec deserved, a boy who had moved heaven and earth to save him, whose presence kept him upright and carried him through his days but to whom he could give so little in return. He never doubted his love for Alec though. But he questioned if now was the right time to make the decision to become Parabatai, he felt he had to find himself first before he could give away a piece of him. He just hoped Alec would understand. 

Unfortunately, Alec didn’t. When the blond told Alec that they had to talk, Alec felt his stomach clench and he had to swallow down bile. When had ever happened something good after this sentence? After Jace’s first words, words which stopped Alec’s world from spinning, he couldn’t listen anymore. The sentences rushed through him but he couldn’t make out the single words or their meaning. He saw the hunted look in Jace’s eyes, the despair on his face and suddenly he couldn’t stand it anymore. He turned around and left without having said a single word. 

Jace just stood and watched when the love of his life turned on him, not able to stop him or form a coherent thought except the mantra “I screwed up, I screwed up the best thing in my life”. 

Alec rushed out of the room, he needed to get away. His vision started to get blurry, red edges occurring around the dark shadows he was seeing. He pushed past a Shadowhunter without realizing who he was and not caring that he had roughly bumped into the other one’s shoulder. He needed to get out. Minutes later he found himself on the roof top of the Institute, his go-to place since childhood. He grasped the handrail with his hands, his knuckles turning white with the force he hold on to it. It was raining and within minutes he was soaking wet, but he didn’t care. He was about to scream his frustration and despair into the wind when the sudden appearance of someone behind him startled him. He turned around to find himself face to face with Jonathan. Of all people.   
“What’s the matter with you, Lightwood?” Jonathan’s intense blue eyes stared at him with a questioning glare.   
“Nothing.” Alec gritted his teeth, Jonathan was definitely the last person he wanted to talk to right now.  
“You look like you want to tear someone apart. Believe me, I know this look and this feeling, it’s what I feel half of the time.” A menacing smirk appeared on his face.   
“What do you care Jonathan?”  
“Personally, I don’t give a fuck about you. But Jace does. So I am a good brother and do to.” Jonathan stepped closer, clearly invading Alec’s private space. Alec realized that the one thing, which was probably more dangerous than an angry Jonathan, was a caring Jonathan.   
“I would have sacrificed you. To save Jace.” Why the hell was he bringing this up now? Alec had clearly lost his mind, but truth be told, it had nagged at him the whole time and this time was as good as any to fuck his life up a little more.  
Jonathan stared at him in surprise. His eyes narrowed, turning shortly black before they switched to the darkest shade of blue Alec had ever seen.  
“I would have done the same. And I bet you would have sacrificed yourself to save my little brother. You would rise hell to save him and burn the world down in the process. And that’s the only reason I haven’t ripped you apart yet. That’s the reason I respect you and even kind of like you, Alec. We both know that he is worth anything.” Alec gulped. It was the first time Jonathan had called him by his first name and it was…. intimidating. He looked Jonathan straight in the eye.   
“Yes. I would have. But it seems it isn’t enough. Jace…” he bit his bottom lip, he would not add crying in front of the redhead to the lists he had achieved so far this day. “Jace doesn’t want to be my Parabatai anymore. He is done with me.”  
“No way, Lightwood.” At least he was back on second name basis, Alec thought.  
“My brother loves you. Did he say why?” When Alec just shrugged and muttered something about not having listened, Jonathan rolled his eyes – he had learned a lot from Izzy in this department – and shook his head. He grabbed Alec by the collar of his leather jacket to draw him even closer, their faces barely inches away. “You will stay here. I will talk some sense into my brother. And you will stay put.” He looked pointedly at the raven boy and all Alec could do was nod. 

Jonathan cornered Jace in his room, which he still had not left, standing more or less on the same spot where Alec had left him. Being the loving brother Jonathan was, he shoved the smaller boy into the next wall, using all demonic strength he had to keep him pinned in place. “Your boyfriend is on the roof and crying his eyes out because he thinks you don’t want him anymore. You will go up and fix this.”   
“What the hell, Jonathan? You cannot tell me what to do.”  
“To the contrary, Jace, I can and I will. I’m your big brother and I’m watching out for you.” His eyes switched dangerously into an even darker blue. “I have no idea why you don’t want to be his Parabatai anymore and frankly I don’t give a fuck. But I know that you love him and that he loves you, he makes you happy and he fucking knows what you’re worth, so I will not let you screw up this just because of a misunderstanding or some crap. So you will go to him and fucking fix things and you will only return when you have this horrible goofy grin back on your face you constantly carry when he is around.” Staring at the dark eyes of his half-demonic brother, Jace had no other chance than to nod. 

Alec stood in the rain, he didn’t mind the chill or the wetness. It was kind of soothing. When he heard uncertain footsteps, he turned around again. He looked at Jace coming nearer, a frown on his beautiful face. 

Jace swallowed hard before he approached the tall figure in front of him. He could see that the other was soaking wet. The other had not noticed him yet, so he just stood there for a moment, taking in the sight of the boy in front of him, taking in every feature of the boy he loved. He really had to make him listen. When Alec turned and he looked at him he stopped in his movements. For a short while both boys just stood there, staring at each other, before both urged forward and they met in the middle, hot lips on cold ones, seeking the reassurance and comfort both so desperately needed. 

“I love you, Alec.” Jace looked at Alec pleadingly. Alec stared back, his eyes somewhat still hooded and weary.  
“You love me, but..?”  
“There is no but to my love for you Alec. There never was and never will be. Please, you have to believe me. You have to listen to me. Please.” And this time, Alec listened and even though he wanted nothing more than to join his soul with Jace’s, he understood the blond’s reasons for wanting to wait. Waiting, not cancelling it at all. He sighed and closed his arms possessively around the younger boy, pressing his lips to Jace’s now likewise wet forehead. “I don’t like it, but whatever you need baby. I love you and nothing is going to change that.” A wave of relieve hit Jace, he really hadn’t known what he had done if Alec hadn’t listened and understood. They kissed desperately while the rain was still falling on them.Making out in the rain always sounded way hotter than it actually was, in reality it was just fucking cold and soppy. When Jace felt Alec shiver beside him, he took the taller boy’s hands and interlaced their fingers. “Bed” he whispered before he dragged Alec with him towards the stairs.

When Jace woke the next morning, sprawled all over Alec who hadn’t let go of him the whole night, he smiled and was met with a bride smile in return. “Are you ok?” Alec nodded. “Yes. I understand you know. And if you never want to become my Parabatai that’s also fine. But just so that you know… I will not ask again.” Jace nodded in agreement. “Don’t worry, I will. When I’m ready. When, not if, Alec.” A kissed sealed their deal before Jace suddenly started to chuckle. “Did Jonathan threaten you, too? Never thought he would be so caring? Possessive?” Alec threw his head back and laughed.  
“He can be rather scary. He called me Alec.”   
Jace joint in the laughter. “Uh, that is scary. My poor baby.”  
“No, seriously, I’m glad he is on our side. I cannot imagine what he could do if he would go dark.”  
“He is really fighting to stay on the right track. But he is and he will be.”  
“And he is not alone anymore. You are not alone anymore. Izzy and me we are there now, too. We four are a package deal now.” Jace smiled into Alec’s crook, not knowing how to express how much this meant to him. But probably Alec knew anyway. 

***

How true Alec’s words were, showed in one of their next missions. They went as a team of four, Izzy, Jonathan, Alec and Jace. In an abandoned warehouse demonic activity had been reported, but it was supposed to be a minor one. Unfortunately, the intel was wrong and they stamped right into a nest of Mantid demons. The air was full of their clicking and hissing noises, high shrieks echoing around the walls while Mantids slowly circled in on them. Mantid demons had triangular, rather small heads but huge mouths with a bunch of sharp teeth. Their milky and pallid eyes were fixed on the Shadowhunters and the noises they made reminded damn much of communication. It seemed true that they were one of the rather intelligent species of demons. 

Alec drew his bow and started to shoot arrow after arrow into the demons. Black, greenish ichor appeared where he hit them, but they were hard to kill, their chitin armature protecting their vulnerable inner bodies. “We need to severe their heads or stab them through their belly” Jonathan instructed the others, like always knowing the most of the different demon species. “And be careful, their ichor is slightly poisoning and they like to eat human body parts.” 

Alec dropped his bow and pulled his seraph blade like the others, a bow was unfortunately not useful against this kind of demons. He stood with Jace back to back, while they sliced one Demon after the other. The clicking sounds unnerved Alec. The sheer number of the demons were overwhelming and they had managed to separate the four, leaving Alec and Jace together and Izzy and Jonathan, who fought back to back like the two boys. Probably they would have gotten the situation under control eventually. if Izzy had not slipped on the slithery ground, which was already covered in the black ichor of many dead demons. But she slipped, falling to the ground, landing helplessly on her back. Within seconds a Mantid was over her, the razored forelegs ready to tear Izzy apart. Alec’s scream died on his lips when he saw the hopeless situation Izzy was in, he was too far away and so was Jonathan. But the same moment he wanted to throw himself at the demon nevertheless, he heard Jonathan bark commands in Chtonian, a common demonic language Alec recognized. Alec’s eyes widened when he saw the redhead standing in the middle of the demons, ordering them to back off and leave. He had his arms spread wide, his breathing speeding up the longer he talked in the demonic language, his eyes jet-black and his red hair turning into an inky black. The demons obeyed, their hissing sounded annoyed but they retreated, leaving to whatever hell dimension they belonged to.

Izzy lay on the ground, covered in ichor but otherwise unharmed – thanks to Jonathan. Jace had sprung in front of Jonathan, his angelic runes and eyes glowing golden. “It’s me Jonathan, come back to me. I know you can fight it off, please do it for me.” He stepped closer to his brother, extending a hand to touch him to be able to transfer his angelic power to him, but Jonathan retreated. His look was feral, pained with his inner fight. “Jonathan” Jace pleaded, following his brother, not allowing him to get away, as he knew that Jonathan would be lost if he didn’t turn back now. He was desperate, he saw how close his big brother was to losing his inner battle, the demon part of Jonathan seeking his chance to take over. Suddenly he felt one strong arm around his waist and one lean one on his other side. Immediately his runes reached out to his two fellow Shadowhunters, causing their runes to glow just as his. “Jonathan. Thank you for saving me. I’m save now. You can come back to us.” Izzy’s soft but firm voice sounded through the warehouse. Jonathan shifted his gaze to her and the turmoil he was in was written all over his face. But suddenly his gaze relaxed and slowly his eyes faded into a dark blue and his black hair showed the first strains of red. Before Jonathan’s knees gave in, clearly exhausted from the use of his demonic side, the three of them caught him and let him down gently on the floor. They hugged for several minutes before Jonathan struggled to get away. “That’s enough, guys, I’m not doing chick flick moments.” Jace smiled when he heard Izzy’s murmured “too late” but didn’t say anything. Better not prick the bear. 

***

Several months later

Alec’s 19th birthday drew nearer. Normally Alec didn’t mind his birthdays, but this time it was different. To become a Parabatai you had to be 18 or younger, the runing ceremony was considered too dangerous otherwise. It was believed that a soul which had completed the 18th year of life was too settled to be torn apart and transferred to another body. Alec had stayed true to his promise and had not brought up the topic again, but the thought of completing the bond with Jace was still nagging at him. Not that he was not happy, he was. 

Seeing the world evolve and becoming a better place for Downworlders and Shadowhunters alike, knowing that he had played an important role in it, was mesmerizing. Lydia Branwell was an exceptional leader and had offered him to be her second in command, an opportunity he had gladly accepted. His little sister was on the best way to become the best fighter in the entire Shadow World – next to Jace and Jonathan of course. The redhead had grown on Alec, the way he had saved his sister, ready to sacrifice himself in the process had shown the deep bond the forth of them already shared. He himself had come to terms with the way he had acted during the war, the fact that Jonathan forgave him for his ruthlessness helping a lot. And if he was honest, he was not sorry. He had done what needed to be done to save Jace. Jace was everything he had ever wanted and needed. He was the love of his life. 

Jace had become calmer over the months, his bad dreams fewer and less intense. He had started to speak about his nightmares, the nightmares he dreamed about and the nightmares he had lived through. Sometimes it was hard for Alec to listen to them, knowing that he had caused some of them. Jace had paid a high price for the time they had spent together in Alec’s cell in the arena. He had known it then and he knew it now, but it still hurt. But he saw that talking helped Jace, part of his turmoil being scared that Alec found him unworthy or lesser for all the things he had done. But like Alec, Jace had done what he had to. To survive and to save Alec. He knew the blond loved him and sometimes he wished it would be enough for him, but part of him still longed for the ultimate fusion. 

So he stood on the rooftop of the institute, brooding over his upcoming birthday and if and how he should bring up the topic again, when familiar steps interrupted him. Jace strolled towards him, bumping slightly against his shoulder, a slight smile on his lips. “I was looking for you. What are you doing up here?” Alec shrugged.   
“Just needed some time to think.”   
“And brood” Jace teased, but getting serious again, his hands clenching nervously. Alec looked at him concerned, the unease of the other unsettling him. “What’s the matter, Jace?” The blond sucked on his bottom lip. “Nothing. I just… uh, I just wanted to ask you something. And apparently I’m really bad at it.” Jace drew in a breath and took Alec’s hands in his before he carried on. “Alexander Gideon Lightwood. Do you want to be my Parabatai? Now and forever?” Alec’s face lit up like the sun. He really hadn’t expected this. It was his turn to draw in a shaky breath before he was able to answer, his voice trembling slightly. “Of course, Jace. Nothing more than that.” The kiss they exchanged tasted sweet and was full of promises of the future which was about to come. “So what about right now Alec? I’ve arranged everything, a Silent Brother is here to do the Ceremony if you are up to it. Izzy and Jonathan are also there, they will be our guardians during the procedure.” He looked up at Alec, his mismatched eyes shining bright. “You already organized everything? This must be the best pre-birthday-present ever.”

Jonathan, Izzy and the Silent Brother were already waiting for them, the three rings of fire already burning in the middle of the room. Jonathan led Jace to the first ring and he stepped in it, Alec followed Izzy into the second one. They two boys stood in the rings, facing each other. When the silent Brother gave them the signal both stepped forward into the third ring, which symbolized the union they were going to forge. 

Together, as one, they spoke the sacred Parabatai oath, meaning every word of it.

Entreat me not to leave thee  
Or return from following after thee-  
For whiter thou goest, I will go,  
And where thou lodgest, I will lodge,  
Thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God  
Where thou diest will I die, and there will I be buried.  
The Angel do so to me, and more also,  
If aught but death part thee and me.

Jace’s hand was calm and steady when he placed his Stele on Alec’s hip to draw the Parabatai rune. He smiled when done and lifted his shirt to grant Alec better access. When Alec finished the rune they felt a tug in their hips and a huge pull towards each other. Both boys gasped in surprise and awe. The emotions which flew through the newly created bond were overwhelming. Raw, unfiltered, pure. If Jace had not hold him upright, Alec’s knees would have given in. The love he felt pushing through the bond from Jace was the most intense thing he had ever felt. Jace’s runes lit up and so did his, both glowing in a golden light. “I love you. You are mine Jace Morgenstern” he whispered in the blonds ears.   
“I’ve been yours since the day you stepped through the portal in the arena,” Jace whispered back.   
“And I’m yours, too” Alec replied smiling he thought he couldn’t stop smiling anytime soon.  
“I know” Jace replied happily with a slight smirk, not trying to hide the joy he felt bubbling in his chest. “I can feel it”

***

And then they lived happily ever after – at least until the next thread dawned on the Shadow World. But they were Shadowhunters, they were meant to be facing the evil of the world, there was nothing which could go wrong. Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we are – the end of my little fairy tale. It was the longest fic I’ve ever written so far. I hoped you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thanks to everyone who supported me with kudos and comments :-)  
> Apologies to all who are not fan of too much fluff, but I kinda needed the sappy ending. And well, it was a fairy tale….

**Author's Note:**

> As always, I really love to know what you think. Thanks for reading, commenting & leaving kudos.


End file.
